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Verizon Center to Use Really Cool New Gadget to Sell Same Old Shitty Beer

The Phone Booth’s new Bottom’s Up beer dispenser (via We Love DC) is a neat novelty, and I’m sure it’ll help Uncle Ted move more units of beer, but polishing a turd (or a Bud Light) only goes so far.

You know what I’d really like instead of a quickly-poured-but-still-expensive beer? Dogfish Head. Or something from Highland. Or Victory. And so on. But the Verizon Center beer list has none of that (though it does have Starr Hill).

Still, I’m sure the Bottom’s Up will blow your freaking skull the first time you see the magic happen in-person, so there’s that. Here’s how it works.

D.C. sports fan and digital media guy that's been doing this since 2004. Once threw a football further than Chris Cooley.



  1. TJL

    February 9, 2011 at 5:37 PM

    Not gonna lie, I want one of those magnets bad

  2. kip

    February 9, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    A Highland Mocha Stout dispenser would be a gift from God

  3. ThisGuy

    February 9, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    Classic “why the fuck didn’t I think of that and make a gagillion dollars” idea.

  4. Terps77

    February 9, 2011 at 11:21 PM

    Most mind blowing local brew to “Bottom’s Up”? That would be Brewer’s Art Resurrection.

  5. horseydeucey

    February 10, 2011 at 6:28 AM

    Beer snobbery is as exciting as JMU-exclusive posts.
    You’re not in town, so you don’t get to many games here. Let me tell you. When you attend multiple games a week, and spend $7.5/beer. This particular jerk is looking forward to quicker pours, no beer on the outside of the cup, much less head– er, foam rather. And guess what? I’m fairly certain it can be used with other beers, to include Fat Bottoms, or A La Gash, or Blue Stripe, or whatever hip, trendy brew the young, discerning beer drinker has got their underwear in a bunch over this week.

    Yeah, Bud Light, hell, anything from the big four sucks. But I’m a season ticket holder, there’s a recession on, and I like to DRANK! Don’t judge.

  6. Jamie Mottram

    February 10, 2011 at 8:09 AM

    My beer snobbery goes down as my beer consumption goes up.

  7. kip

    February 10, 2011 at 8:18 AM

    I’m the first to drink a great micro brew but certainly not the last to drink an Olde Milwaukee

  8. Walter Johnson

    February 10, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    horseydouchey, you do realize that the hip, trendy, micro brews have more alcohol, and taste better all at the same time? It’s a win win. Anyways, this new contraption should really cut down the waiting in line time at all of those Mystics games you go to.

  9. DocJ

    February 10, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Can you find Highland in DC? More of a Kashmir IPA fan than Mocha Stout, but still damn good brewery. I am lucky enough to live and hour from Asheville NC and have a kegerator I fill with the deliciousness I can find in Asheville like Highland, French Broad, Pisgah, Wedge, Craggie, Green Man, APB, etc. I am a beer snob and damn happy to be one. Selling Dogfish there would be a dream, but 1 out of every 100 beer drinkers drinks piss water so probably wouldn’t be profitable.

  10. Terps77

    February 10, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    Needs more Natty Boh.

  11. horseydeucey

    February 10, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    WJ, Who put a nickle in you?

    Isn’t it time you changed your name now that your usurper is throwing again?

    Mystics humor? Eh, the WNBA’s been around for awhile now, Ozzie Guillen already beat you to that gem of a joke.

    And of all people who should never be talking about good beer, I certainly wouldn’t expect it to come from someone who thinks High Life is the tits… the TITS!

  12. Walter Johnson

    February 10, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    WNBA jokes will not get old until about a decade after that league inevitably goes under..

    Speaking of Ozzie Guillen, you sound like a real Mariotti.

  13. kip

    February 10, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    @DOCJ I need to hang out with you i live in Hickory Nc

  14. donkey donk

    February 11, 2011 at 8:28 AM

    Bet Snyder implements these and jacks up the cost of beer $2.

    I do enjoy the “Irish Pub Stands” at Skins games though. Guinness and Black&Tans all day baby. $9 a pop. Ouch, my left ventricle just exploded.

  15. Dave Ebner

    February 11, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    You obviously have not been to Verizon lately.
    They have a fine selection of beer:

    Certainly not worthy of “Shitty” as a descriptor.

    • Jamie Mottram

      February 11, 2011 at 9:15 AM

      Did you grab that link from the copy of my post?

  16. Walter Johnson

    February 11, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    The Verizon Center does have a fine selection of beer.. for me to poop on.

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