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The Redskins Backfield Is a Clusterfuck

alexander_shaun_redskins2.jpgThis much we know — we think: Shaun Alexander will be in the backfield for the Redskins Sunday night against the Cowboys. Who will be joining him is a mystery. Let’s break down the current situation as we understand it, back-by-back:

Clinton Portis: Jim Zorn’s quote about CP yesterday — “I was hoping today that there would be a little more optimism, and there’s not” — has been interpreted by the AP to mean he’s “unlikely” to play. However, Zorn still says today that Portis is 50/50.

Shaun Alexander: Healthy, but unfortunately, still a bitch.

Ladell Betts:  Claims he is playing, which is fantastic news (see: Shaun Alexander).

Rock Cartwright: Still relegated to special teams and emergency RB detail despite being the total opposite of Shaun Alexander. Seriously, how the fuck did Alexander leapfrog Rock on the depth chart when he was signed?

So, to review: If Clinton plays, he’ll be limited to probably 10 carries and share duties with Bitch Boy and Ladell. If CP is out, then Ladell gets the start and hands some of the load off to Bitch Boy. Unless Ladell actually doesn’t play, in which case Bitch Boy gets the start with Rock as the backup. Crystal clear, right?

Furthermore, there is probably an 80% that you have some combo of CP, Betts and/or Alexander on your fantasy team, if not all three of them. If you’re one of these people, and you’re driving yourself crazy over who to start/sit, let me give you some sound advice: No one gives a shit. We’re playing Dallas. If you bring up your fantasy team one more time between now and Monday morning, I will have The Mayor visit your house with a brick.

Yes, that entire last paragraph was me talking to myself.

Former Managing Editor at UPROXX; former Senior Editor at @SBNation; former ska-zine editor, fan of bad sports teams and good beer.



  1. chevychasenanticokes

    November 14, 2008 at 4:00 PM

    If any single player is going to win this game for us, its going to be London Fletcher. The D is going to have to be huge. I would rather CP and Betts get healthy and take an L that to have both gimpy for the rest of the season

  2. StetSportsBlog

    November 14, 2008 at 4:04 PM

    Mayor+Brick = at least 3 million views on YouTube.

  3. BagelBoy

    November 14, 2008 at 10:37 PM

    bitch boy LOL thats awesome

  4. Jamie Mottram

    November 15, 2008 at 8:43 AM

    Bring back Skip Hicks. Trung Canidate too.

  5. GloverParksFinest

    November 15, 2008 at 11:58 AM

    Still say it doesn’t matter who we start in that clusterfuck, the Dallas secondary being a bastion of bitch boys is what is going to determine this game.

  6. The Mayor

    November 15, 2008 at 3:55 PM

    The first recpients of said brick will be any Cowboy fan that steps foot in F-51.

    I have made a Mayorial Proclamtion, that bans any Cowboy fan from stepping foot in a 25 yard radius of the DTC tailgate.

    Im going to be sporting a Laron Landry authentic, some new Redskin kicks and I will be ampped up on Crown Royal, Red Bull, Hydroponics and OxyCotin.

    Brick in the right hand, megaphone in the left hand.

    If I see a Cowboy fan tomorrow, I am going to throw a Mark Brunell screen pass with the brick to their face.

    ITS. ABOUT. TO GO DOWN!!!!!!!!!

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