Hello fans of the Washington Football Team.
According to Dictionary.com, the word postmortem has two primary definitions:
1. of, relating to, or occurring in the time following death.
2. occurring after the end of something; after the event.
Following the Washington [Redacted]s 2014 NFL season, I prefer to think of this post as the former, not the latter. I don’t have much to say about this season overall other than I never realized that hate and despair could be so interwoven with apathy.
With that being said, here is one sad fan’s attempt to evaluate and make sense of this miserable season:
The Good: Much like every single other NFL team including the Jaguars and the Raiders, we have a handful talented players to build around. Hooray.
Desean Jackson (I never knew I could so love a man I once hated so much), Trent Williams (Pro Bowls don’t lie), Alfred Morris (has at least 1-2 years of running back shelf-life left!), Ryan Kerrigan (J.J. Watt lite!), Keenan Robinson (does a decent London Fletcher impression) and Bashaud Breeland (ignore the penalties, he’s awesome!) are all players who kept fighting even as the season fell apart. Looking forward to spending more time with ’em. Oh, and Tress Fucking Way.
The Bad: Most of the QBs, O-line and secondary … so basically the exact same as last offseason, except now with QBs added to the “problem” list. I like RG3 and feel bad for him because we ruined his promising career by leaving him out there to get injured two years ago, and then hurrying him back, and then forcing him to be a player that he wasn’t. But it’s becoming increasingly likely that RG3 isn’t the solution at QB, which sucks.
Here’s the thing. At this point I don’t even care if Jay Gruden gets fired. He seems like a shitty coach and keeps throwing his own players under the bus … OK, fine, just one player, but still. But we’ve had nine head coaches since 1992 Joe Gibbs, including Joe Gibbs! That’s way more than anyone else in the division.
The solution can’t just be to keep firing coaches. But Jay Gruden appears to be a dud. This decision seems like a real lose-lose.
What isn’t a tough call is what to do with Haslett. That man and his zero blitz need to PSGO, OMG GTFO right now LOL.
I thought I kinda liked Bruce Allen in the same way that I always had a soft spot for GMGM and Ernie Grunfeld … until I thought about it and realized I only like him because he’s the guy that replaced Vinny Cerrato. But this franchise has only continued to plunge after Bruce has taken the helm sooooo, yeah. Maybe it’s time to find a new guy to win the offseason, advise the coach on challenges, pick out sock colors and do whatever else it is that our GM is supposed to do, cause he ain’t gettin’ it done.
Can we talk about this Chris Russell thing for a second? How does that guy have a job? He spends all (not some, alllll) of his time getting offended by his followers on Twitter and blindly defending Jim Haslett to anyone who will listen. That guy was definitely the kid in grade school who reminded the teacher she forgot to assign homework.
Also, Larry Michael remains distantly behind George in the all time rankings of D.C.-area sports personalities with the last name “Michael”. What a tool.
The only silver lining here is how fun it is to picture Chris Cooley 40 years from now, just like Sonny Jurgensen, smoking a cigar and talking about the time he tried to negotiate a case of beer into his contract. Cooley 4 life.
The Bitter Reality
Here’s the cold hard truth. We are the new Cowboys. We are the team that everybody loves to hate. They hate us because of our racist name. They hate us because of our evil owner. They hate us because of the money we misuse. They hate us because we broke one of the league’s future stars. We’re the new trendy team to root against. Except that we’re not even very good, so right now, everyone just mocks our ineptitude. We’re down on the ground, and everyone is laughing at us. It’s a shitty, shitty time to be a Skins fan.
So here’s to hoping that we’ve already hit rock bottom, or that rock bottom at least isn’t very far off. And here’s to those of us who stick with this team until we begin the ascent, whenever that may come.