And we’re back! Here are our crackerjack staff’s completely scientific predictions for Sunday’s season opener. Make yours down in the comments. Whichever reader is closest to the actual outcome wins a guest post on this here weblog.
Jack Kogod: Redskins, 27-24
Just enough hope to get us through to the next week.
Matt Terl: Texans, 27-17
The Houston defense annihilates the right side of the Washington offensive line. As a result, RG3 looks terrible. As a result of THAT, we get a week of talk radio apocalypse as everyone with a phone inexplicably demands a switch to Kirk Cousins. SO GLAD FOOTBALL IS BACK, YOU GUYS!
JP Finlay: Texans, 20-16
This will be close to the number (Hou -3). Skins move the ball but can’t score TDs. Texans score on a sack strip fumble return. Keenan Robinson with 10+ tackles.
Alfred > Arian
DeSean > Pierre
Clowney > Polumbus
Chris Mottram: Texans, 23-13
Why would I have any reason to believe Washington can go on the road and win with their shitty offensive line against the likes of J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney? Let’s just hope RGIII makes it out with all his limbs intact.
Andy Peden: Redskins, 24-16
Gruden busts out just enough read option and rollouts for RGIII to be comfortable away from the pocket.
Todd Davis: Redskins, 17-16
Somehow they pull this out, but the offense continues to look awful. No major gaffes on specials will help.
Jamie Mottram: Redskins, 23-17
Who’s got two thumbs and is fired up for Jay Gruden’s debut?! Yeah, everyone, I suppose. That’s the kind of enthusiasm you get coming off of a three-win season when the hope is a .500 record and healthy QB. Good thing is, Houston is coming off of a two-win season, which is to say we have a chance.
Composite prediction: Texans, 21-20
JDP
September 5, 2014 at 10:48 AM
Texans: 24
Redskins: 13
The Texans still aren’t very good offensively and thus will be held to 24 instead of 49.
Max Wass
September 5, 2014 at 10:52 AM
Texans 30, Skins 3
Football is stupid.
Boo Rod Gardner
September 5, 2014 at 10:57 AM
I predict I turn the game off after the Texans return the second half KO for a TD. #infinitesadness
SiPhi
September 5, 2014 at 10:58 AM
Skins: 24
Texans:10
The first play of the game for the Skins offense will either be a 50+ yard TD pass to DeSean or a sack fumble. I’m glad football is back, but the low IQ of our fanbase is evident by a multitude of “fans” calling for a career 56% passer with an 8-10 TD/Int ratio over someone who threw for 3603 yards, ran for 489 yards on 5.7 ypc with a shitty brace, and had a 16/12 TD/Int in a “horrible/bad/HeSucks/RGBust” season.
Awesome calling someone a bust when they’ve started less than 30 games and were a legitimate MVP candidate for about a quarter of them.
Jamie Mottram
September 5, 2014 at 1:41 PM
Re: Cousins and RGIII — That is so right.
ThisGuy
September 5, 2014 at 4:55 PM
That is but one piece of a mountain of evidence proving the low IQ of our fanbase. It’s just top-two most infuriating things these days.
Puttz
September 5, 2014 at 11:08 AM
SiPhi – 100% agree. I’m amazed at how RGIII is cast as a bust by a lot of fans even though he had one of the greatest rookie seasons ever and played hurt last year on a team with historically bad special teams and a below average defense.
ILM
September 5, 2014 at 11:13 AM
Totally agree with SiPhi and Puttz. RG3 went from incredible to better than average and people are pissed. It might help if he would STFU every once in a while. Also, lost in the debate, Cousins is bad. He’s Grossman 2.0; big arm but SLOPPY with the ball
ODA
September 5, 2014 at 11:40 AM
Texans 17, Skins 16.
Texans appear dominate on D but Skins hit on enough big plays to stay in the game. Redskins D gives up yardage but doesn’t break too badly. Amerson gets a pick, Kerrigan two sacks.
Sneaky Uncle
September 5, 2014 at 12:27 PM
34-24 good guys
Hail to ’em!
Sec314
September 5, 2014 at 12:56 PM
Nats take 2 of 3.
Until the Redskins get an Offensive Line it’s hard to give a rat’s ass.
ThisGuy
September 5, 2014 at 1:14 PM
I think we’ve been holding back on O, and will unleash the beast. I think Gruden is too smart to let RG3 hold the ball too long, will design a game plan to take advantage of Watt & Clowney’s aggressiveness (Alfred!), and gets DeSean open with time and space. I think our D is better than ppl think and Houston’s O sucks too much to take advantage of our mediocre safeties. I have no idea what I’m saying.
‘Skins 26
Texans 17
burgertime
September 5, 2014 at 1:35 PM
texans, 156-0
i’m that dick on price is right who bets $1
filthylaugh
September 5, 2014 at 1:44 PM
DC – 28
H-town (does anyone call it H-town?) – 20
Because logic be damned and hope springs eternal.
JFowler11
September 5, 2014 at 2:16 PM
Redskins – 10
Texans – 6
Redskins have more talent than Houston on offense. The Texans beat Washington on defense. This is a game that will come down to special teams – namely, punting – and the men in Burgundy and Gold will somehow sneak away from the Lone Star State with a victory.
DocJ
September 5, 2014 at 2:18 PM
No way Fitzpatrick kicks our ass like that time we were shutout in Buffalo, right… right? I do not see Houston being able to do much on the offensive side of the ball and our D comes up with a few turnovers. Our special teams is average, which compared to last year is so refreshing. That alone is enough to get me excited about Sunday. I think offensively we are able to move the ball between the 20’s but not much luck in the redzone. And no turnovers. Big day for Kobra Kai.
Washington Redskins-22
The Houston NFL Football Team-17
Enrico Pallazzo
September 5, 2014 at 2:39 PM
Skins 23-20
Ryan Fitzpatrick is worse than John Beck.
Billy
September 5, 2014 at 3:37 PM
20-12 Skins, hearkening back to the 2012 Skins…
Mikeyvanilli
September 5, 2014 at 3:58 PM
Skins- 17
Texans – 13
Skins win an ugly defensive battle. Our line looks rough and we don’t gain many yards, though we have a couple solid scoring drives and pull out the W.
skinsaneasylum
September 5, 2014 at 4:39 PM
Redskins 236
Texans 7
Z
September 6, 2014 at 8:57 AM
Skins D is too old and too slow
Texans 34
Redskins 20
drewtabaga
September 6, 2014 at 8:58 AM
34-13 Texans
RG3 plays poorly, missing open guys and looking uncomfortable in the pocket. DeAndre Hopkins has a bust-out game scoring multiple TDs. Also Foster kills us as a receiver out of the backfield.
Natstradamus
September 6, 2014 at 9:33 AM
Texans 31 Skins 17
2 major gaffes on specials.
Corey Rooney
September 6, 2014 at 10:58 AM
Beerskins – 27 Texans – 16
It’s not that we have a low IQ fan base, it’s that we have a low IQ targeted media that allows a nonstory to be a story to boost ratings because they understand what plays in this city. I stopped listening to the sports talk radio and most other forms of redskins media coverage a while ago and have been so much happier since.
Ketel on Rocks
September 6, 2014 at 12:25 PM
I have no idea what to expect from this team.
Skins – 27
Texans – 24
jake
September 6, 2014 at 11:34 PM
16-10 Skins.
Ugly win that features three Kai FG’s and two sacks by Orakpo/Kerrigan. Clowney hits RGIII on a QB scramble that at first looks like season-ending but Griffin stays in game.
WFY
September 7, 2014 at 9:03 AM
Bill O’Brien is a better coach than Jay Gruden, but RGIII keeps DC in it.
Planet Houston 24
Washington 20
And in scores of other games, Nats salvage the series, 4-2 over Phillies.
Kenny
September 7, 2014 at 9:11 AM
24-14 good guys! Let’s go Skins! HAIL!
Jules
September 7, 2014 at 11:45 AM
Skins 14 – 7
It’s really sad how much I’m not excited for this season though.