Handing out labels after Skins games, this time a 23-6 preseason win against the Patriots. Yayyyyy football! Booooooo preseason! Via @BurgundyBlog, let’s all yawn at preseason along with Santana Moss.
Redskins Running Backs — Originally I had them all listed separately, but that seems silly, for the most part. The RBs rushed the ball 42 times for 177 yards, a solid 4.0 average. Alfred Morris looked trucklike and Morris-y in deliberately limited action. Roy Helu Jr. looked like a more-than-capable #2. Evan Royster looked unremarkable, and bizarre in a #26 jersey. (Every true Redskins fan knows that will always belong to Ifeanyi Ohalete.) Chris Thompson continues to look more like Brandon Banks and less like Darren Sproles. And then there were the two new guys.
Lache Seastrunk — Looked every bit as electric as advertised, rushing 12 times for 63 yards (admittedly against New England’s 11th-string defense).
Silas Redd — Wearing the #24 jersey of preseason legend Marcus Mason, Redd took 9 carries for 45 yards and added 2 catches for 18 yards. Running back is looking crowded this year.
Colt McCoy — Wearing the #16 jersey of Redskins preseason legend Babe Laufenberg and the first name of Redskins preseason legend Colt Brennan, McCoy is a strong front-runner candidate for “player that some idiot fan will advocate for ahead of an actual top-line starter”. (Ed. note — And also the Redskins Preseason HOF!)
Zach Hocker — The rookie probably took the lead in the kicking competition by going 2-for-2 on FGs while Kai Forbath missed one. Also managed the always-thrilling kicker tackle on big return by New England (even if the return was ultimately negated by penalty).
Rashad Ross — I know nothing at all about this dude, but he took the second half kickoff back for 37 yards in a way that looked unflashy and unscary and reliable, which are all things that Redskins kick returners have not been for years. Also made a nice 35-yard grab on the second drive of the third quarter.
Me — I owe Drew Magary an apology. When I read the “kid gets head lice” chapter of his book Someone Could Get Hurt, I scoffed inwardly. Way to make something minor sound epic, man, I thought, or something like it. Tonight, karma (in the form of head lice) bit me (in the form of my daughter) in the ass (in the form of her head), and suddenly four hours vanished in a whirlwind of chemicals and laundry and vacuuming and screaming. Sorry, Drew! You were right! Anyhow, this all meant that I watched an entire preseason game on DVR — meaning without ANY Twitter interaction — and that makes me the biggest loser of the night.
People Who Attended the Game — Actually, these folks apparently had it pretty bad also. This is just one of the many reasons that I now avoid live football as much as possible. (Picture via @TomRousseyABC7.)
People Watching on TV — We did not escape unscathed. When Kenny Albert started talking, my daughter, exhausted from being rubbed with highly toxic chemicals, leaned blearily toward the TV and said, “Daddy, why is that man YELLING into that microphone like that?” Joe Theismann, meanwhile, kept referring to the Redskins as “we”, making everything exceptionally positive and even did some shilling for @RedskinsFacts in the second quarter. And then there was Ken Harvey, asking sideline questions that totally justify all of Gregg Popovich’s behavior. Harvey was so awful that it was actually a relief when NBC cut into his audio so we could listen to President Obama tell us that we’re all doomed for yet ANOTHER geopolitical reason.
Riggo and the Hogs — Their Papa Johns commercial felt like the Redskins fan’s version of a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Don’t look back. You can never look back.
Some Poor Bastard In the Redskins Broadcast Network Truck — Those audio problems in the first quarter might not have cost someone their job, but there was definitely a lot of screaming.
Jay Gruden — Won his big-league (preseason) debut. Offense looked great. But, man, he really needs to be careful what ludicrous faces he makes on the sidelines. I haven’t found the Vine of him rubbing his tooth for what felt like an enternity, but I’m sure it’s out there. (Ed. note — Found it!)
Kirk Cousins — Started with an awful throw, missed a handoff, had a couple awkward tosses and then looked perfect on a TD to Robinson. Finished 9-of-13 for 103 yards, but suffers by virtue of not being Colt McCoy. Sorry, Kirk — only room for one backup QB preseason darling on this bandwagon! The switch to jersey #8 makes him seem more risk-taking, like Rex, than staid #12 did. I approve.
Robert Griffin III– It’s so hard to tell with him when the games don’t count and the coaches aren’t relying on his lunatic playmaking ability. But at least I was no longer terrified for his health and wellbeing every time the ball was snapped. That’s a win all by itself. Also, I found myself craving Subway after the game, AND I think I might have figured out my why. That’s a big day for RG3.
Special Teams — I don’t even remember everything that they did — and lord knows they threatened to give up two long returns — but they weren’t last year’s special teams unit, and for that I love them forever.
I’m sure I missed tons in my post-lice haze, so go ahead and put ’em in the comments.