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Other ‘Unwritten Rules’ the Cubs Believe

As you’re aware, there was little dust-up between the Nats and Cubs on Thursday night after Chicago tried to bean Bryce Harper. Back-up catcher Steve Clevenger explained why after the game:

“You’re up 7-2 … you don’t swing 3-0 in that situation.”

Mind you, this occurred in the FIFTH INNING.

Clevenger’s ridiculously stupid notion got us thinking about what other “unwritten rules” the Cubs believe. Here’s a list of some of them. If you know of others, please share in the comments.

— Runners may only advance 90 feet at a time when up by more than five in the third inning or later.

— If leading by six runs or more, you must take the first pitch of any at-bat as a peace offering to your opponent.

— You aren’t allowed to steal a base on the Cubs. It’s just unnecessary, you guys.

— When you plate your 21st run against the Cubs, you must land on exactly 21, or go back to 13.

— Your pitcher must throw underhand old-man-softball style when leading by more than seven runs in the fifth inning or later.

— Every Cubs pitcher gets one mulligan per outing, regardless of score.

— Steve Clevenger gets to call balls and strikes after the opposition scores 10 or more runs.

— Adam LaRoche has to bat right-handed.

— If you lose to the Cubs, you must donate $200,000 to the Soriano Contract Fund lol trick rule no one loses to the Cubs.

*Image borrowed with love from The Washington Post.

Former Managing Editor at UPROXX; former Senior Editor at @SBNation; former ska-zine editor, fan of bad sports teams and good beer.



  1. Paul

    September 7, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    Just shows you what losers the Cubs are. They had already given up by that point in the game. They were truly pissed because they truly believed the game was over.

  2. Chris

    September 7, 2012 at 12:52 PM

    At Wrigley, home run balls thrown back onto the field are still in play, Henry Rowengartner style. They still couldn’t catch Bryce though.

  3. the Wayward O

    September 7, 2012 at 4:37 PM

    The Cubs went from “lovable losers” to shabby jerks last night.

  4. deepvalue

    September 7, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    Everyone gets orange slices after the game – win or lose.

  5. Wcked Pixels

    September 11, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    The #!$%ing fans in the #!$%ing bleachers need to get a #!$%ing job like the other #!$%ing 85% of the world!

    Lee Elia April 29, 1983

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