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Bob Carpenter

Nats Could Be Saying ‘See. You. Later.’ To MASN’s Bob Carpenter

Quite possibly the best news of the Nationals season came this morning with this tweet from @washingnats:

The #Nats did not tell Bob Carpenter if his option was picked up, and that likely means he will become a free agent after 2011.

So, with Carpenter hopefully on his way out of Washington*, let’s take a look at the 10 most valuable lessons learned from Bob Carpenter during the 2011 season:

1. Ian Desmond leads the league in trying really hard, you guys.

2. Every time Jayson Werth gets a hit, we’re seeing the Jayson Werth the Nats invested good money in. Every time he does not, just give it time.

3. Laynce Nix does all of the little things.

4. If the Nats would score more runs, they’d probably win more.

5. We really should add 30 points to every National’s batting average for all those times they hit the ball hard right at someone.

6. The Nationals lineup leads the league in getting robbed of hits by the opposition/weather.

7. The Nationals would have the best pitching in the league if the umps weren’t always squeezin’ ’em.

8. It’s gonna be a long day for [INSERT NATS STARTING PITCHER] if he’s not gonna get that call.

9. The Nats Park Scoreboard Walk’s $5 Miller Lite pregame special is a hell of a deal.

10. It’s still early but safe to say Danny Espinosa is the best defensive second baseman ever.

* Bob Carpenter — unlike Rob Dibble — seems like a perfectly nice person. But his insufferable homerism has come to a head this season. He must go.

Former Managing Editor at UPROXX; former Senior Editor at @SBNation; former ska-zine editor, fan of bad sports teams and good beer.



  1. Tim

    August 2, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Don’t forget his vendetta against the head 1st slide which he mentions every other inning.

  2. tha_prophet

    August 2, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    Nobody polishes a turd better than Bob Carpenter.

  3. Me

    August 2, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    He’s the Nats play-by-play, I’ll take the homerism. I won’t be heartbroken if he leaves but as in player moves I’d like to know who they’re getting to replace him before I make a judgement.

    Dibble was a case where you could replace him with the dog that can say “I luv youuuuu” and it’d be an upgrade. Carpenter is better than that dog dammit.

  4. Jamie Mottra

    August 2, 2011 at 11:50 AM

    Re: the first two comments — That’s the good stuff.

    Re: the third comment:– Carpenter’s just so damn corny.

  5. DarkHeart

    August 2, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Kornheiser’s looking for work.

  6. Me

    August 2, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    I’m not sure I’m ready for the honest truth about the Nats on a game by game basis. But I will say I’ve been catching the day games on the radio and Slowes is infinitely better.

    TK and Nigel in the booth would have me tuning in.

  7. Jamie Mottram

    August 2, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    The Nats radio guys — Slowes and Jageler — are pretty boss.

  8. softball girl

    August 2, 2011 at 1:08 PM

    The homerism is nothing compared to the prognostication. Last night:

    “And Jason Heyward will catch the ball…”


    Swear to god, it’s like the annoying guy who says “Bless you” right before you sneeze.

  9. Derek

    August 2, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    That’s a real jam job right there. Just major league jammage.

  10. Me

    August 2, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    Free Bob Carpenter!

  11. also

    August 2, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    don’t forget Bob’s hatred of maple bats. “I major league baseball doesn’t do something about these soon, someone is gonna get hurt.”

  12. tristan

    August 2, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    He is a far cry from F.P.’s putridism. First of all F.P. was a mediocre player at best and that was while he was on steroids. The guy takes steroids and still is mediocre. Then he has the nerve to talk trash about other players in this day and age. His playmate wife is hot, but that is besides the point.

  13. banksey

    August 2, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    they shouldn’t be talking about getting rid of bobby carp, they should be talking about firing FP immediately! That man is honestly retarded and has no idea what he is doing in the booth. His comments are completely incoherent and retarded. BRING BACK DIBBLE at least he showed some emotion!

  14. Hot Sauce

    August 2, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    Try Chip Caray and Joe Simpson for five minutes. They make Carp look like a Phillies fan.

  15. Jim Krupka

    August 2, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    Hire Steve degler from the LV Iron Pigs/Reading Phillies. Catch a broadcast on Service Electric TV2.

  16. illformula

    August 2, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    i’ve always thought the Nats’ booth was beyond terrible.

    i’ll take Thorne and his drunkness any day.

  17. Rob Dibble

    August 3, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    I’m available.

  18. ACBaughman

    August 11, 2013 at 6:41 PM

    Move this guy. He is awlful.

  19. Chaz4Jazz

    April 30, 2017 at 4:15 PM

    Blab Crapenter’s mid-sentence pregnant pauses are beyond explanation. His relentless promotion of players smacks of a guy trying soooo hard to be a shining example of “loyal fan,” we all know that guy–cheering harder than anyone else; referring to every hit–oops, “knock,” sorry FP–as roasted, smokin’, a laser, and crushed (as if the other team’s chock full of soft-hitting, lame-throwing wussies), and even dissing fans who don’t clap as loud as he thinks they should. Good Lord I wish he’d find work elsewhere…and take that never-shaven gnome in the booth with him.

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