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Jim Zorn Says ‘We’re Getting Better’ the Day After Losing to Detroit

This is what Jim Zorn said today — one day after being dominated by the Lions and eight days after somehow managing to not lose to the Rams at home:

“In the big picture, I think things are progressing. We’re getting better. It’s not coming in the (wins). We’ll continue to press on.”

Take a minute. Let that soak in. We’ll wait.

OK, let’s proceed.

See, what I find really odd about this statement is EVERY FUCKING WORD OF IT. I’ve created a chart to help demonstrate why Zorn’s comments are totally fucked. Here are the points the Skins have scored in each of his 19 games as coach (this includes points scored by the defense, which are zero):

zornsoffense.jpg

With that visual in mind, let’s take this sentence-by-sentence.

“In the big picture, I think things are progressing.”

How big is the picture? Is it just this season? Because, no, things have done nothing but regress from the opening fucking kickoff in New Jersey. So is the picture the last, say, 10 games that Zorn’s coached? ‘Cause that’s not any better — he’s 3-7 in that picture. Maybe the big picture really is the biggest of pictures: his entire tenure as head coach. In which case: nothing has fucking progressed. TASTE THE GRAPH.

“We’re getting better.”

Really? Well FUCKING AWESOME. Hey, guys, did you hear that?! Yeah, coach says we’re improving. Well, yeah, no shit, part of “getting better” means we’re winning games. Why would you ask such a stupid question? That’s inferred in the statement itself and goes without saying–

“It’s not coming in the (wins).”

Oh. Huh. So, essentially we’re getting better at not winning. That’s actually pretty accurate.

“We’ll continue to press on.”

Well color me reassured. Sure, we looked godfuckingawful against arguably the two worst teams in the NFL in back-to-back weeks. But Zorn is pressing on despite the fact that another winless OFFENSIVE JUGGERNAUT looms on the horizon this week. So brave.

(Vegas has us as 7.5-point favorites for this Sunday vs. the Bucs, which is funny because that means Vegas thinks the Skins will actually score 7.5 points this Sunday.)

Former Managing Editor at UPROXX; former Senior Editor at @SBNation; former ska-zine editor, fan of bad sports teams and good beer.

7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. Julz

    September 28, 2009 at 3:16 PM

    I was moving from depression to acceptance and then towards (re-setting really) backing up my team fully once again. Then I was stupid enough to watch Zorn’s press conference. I’d really like to get off this fucking roller coaster ride one day. I’d also really like to hear a coach for once come out and say yeah we fucking sucked and now we need to improve.

  2. Jamie Mottram

    September 28, 2009 at 3:27 PM

    TASTE THE GRAPH = brilliant.

  3. DC Landing Strip

    September 28, 2009 at 4:41 PM

    This is pure gold.

  4. ben

    September 29, 2009 at 9:58 AM

    Taste the Graph is indeed brilliant.

    One fix: Make sure you removed the special teams score — Moss returned one for a TD at Detroit last year.

  5. born and bred 2 be a skin

    September 29, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    the graph is very telling, sad, but true.

  6. glowell222

    September 29, 2009 at 1:44 PM

    I suspect that if this graph was elongated to include all of the coaches during Snyder’s tenure, the results would be similar.
    As long as there is no GM for this team then there will be no change to this graph.

  7. Pigman

    September 29, 2009 at 4:13 PM

    Well said…I had to appologize to my adult son today for raising him a Redskins fan! He actually said he forgave me…I wonder if Danny boy is aware he is loosing the next generation of fans?

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