First, immediately upon being selected No. 6 overall he stood up and made out with his girlfriend.

ESPN’s Fran Fraschilla then complimented Vesely’s “great taste in women,” compared him to Tom Chambers and predicted he’ll “win a dunk contest,” all in the time it took the 21-year-old to walk across the stage.

Finally, Vesely was asked about being called “the European Blake Griffin.” His response? “Blake Griffin is the American Jan Vesely.”

Not a bad sequence for my new favorite player. HAPPY

Buy yours now if you like, though I don’t recommend it.

In lieu of today’s DMV (sorry, busy again) enjoy this screencap taken by @chrismottram from the NFL’s American Family ad. Sofia Vergara FTW.

WINNERS

Rex Grossman — Threw an unfortunate INT early and floated balls all day long, but any time the Sex Cannon goes off for 322 yards and four touchdowns, especially with this team, he’s a winner. Also, he played as well as Donovan McNabb has in any game all season, so there’s that.

Kyle Shanahan — Scored a season-high 30 points with his guy under center. I believe Al Saunders refers to this as “pulling a Todd Collins.”

Ryan Torain — Posted 101 total yards and a touchdown despite only 11 carries. Also bulldozed Dallas safety Alan Ball. I think we’re all falling for him, at least when healthy.

Chris Cooley — Was shutout the first three quarters but made at least four big catches in the fourth. I love when he makes a play on the road, because you can really hear how many Redskins fans are there.

Anthony Armstrong — Long-ball machine caught a 47-yarder and hit the 100-yard mark for the first time.

London Fletcher — His flying stop on 4th-and-goal was pretty awesome.

LOSERS

Danny Smith — Mike Shanahan has been coaching in the NFL for 25 years. He must have crossed paths with a decent special teams coach at some point. Hire that guy.

DeAngelo Hall — Burnt for two touchdowns and whiffed on a tackle to allow a first down.

Kareem Moore — He is not aware of how to tackle (e.g. he kept going high and getting carried by Jason Witten).

Brian Orakpo — Went out with a hamstring/groin injury early on.

Jim Haslett — His unit, depleted though it may be, allowed a Jon Kitna-led Dallas offense to make seven consecutive trips to the red zone. What I mean is, the defense is horrible.

MEDIUM

Santana Moss — Productive game (eight catches, 72 yards, two TD), but that downfield drop on the second-to-last drive was a killer.

Mike Shanahan — Lost to Dallas, and his team is 5-9, but at least they didn’t quit when they were down 20.

MISCELLANEOUS

Really could’ve done without Kenny, Moose & Goose calling these past three games, but at least they’re not getting the good ones … the refs were awful, especially with the roughing-the-passer stuff … the little Christmas lights that Fox used to symbolize timeouts were cute.

WINNERS

Ryan Torain — Suddenly, there’s a timeshare in the Redskins backfield.

Santana Moss — The fumble was terrible but overcome by six catches for 124 yards and a TD. Imagine where the Skins would be without him. I’ll tell you where: with Joey Galloway and Roydell Williams as WR1 and WR2.

Reed Doughty — Got picked on all week, lost his starting job and promptly responded with a forced fumble in kickoff coverage.

Phillip Daniels — The blocked FG was impressive.

Chris Cooley — Down 14-0, he broke up what would’ve been a red zone INT for McNabb. Big play. I’m reaching.

LOSERS

Donovan McNabb – You take the good with the bad. This was bad.

Clinton Portis — Broke off a 27-yarder but, instead of finishing off the run to pick up at least another five yards, slid to avoid contact.

Devin Thomas — He’s not even a part of this offense.

Derrick Dockery — Benched for Kory Lichtensteiger.

Stephon Heyer — Had a false start and a crucial holding penalty.

Kareem Moore — His INT was pretty amazing, as were his missed tackles on not one but two TD runs.

Carlos Rogers — Committed pass interference and dropped an INT on the same play. Also gave up multiple first downs to Danny Amendola.

Andre Carter — Looks out of place at LB. [Insert criticism of the 3-4 here.]

DeAngelo Hall — His play in the fourth, especially on the WR screen where he slipped and fell down, was disgusting.

Jim Haslett — His D couldn’t stop the Steven Jackson-less Rams.

Graham Gano — Put the opening kickoff out of bounds.

Josh Bidwell — The Redskins may be looking for a new punter. Again.

Keiland Williams — Blew his assignment on the blocked punt.

Danny Smith — I’m so tired of miserable special teams.

Mike Shanahan — This game was very Jim Zorn.

Daniel Snyder — “THE FUTURE IS NOW!”

Dick Stockton, Charles Davis and Jim Mora — I won’t recount all of their miserable moments, but a standout was when Davis felt the need to explain what the red zone is and defined it as the area 25 yards and in.

If you’re at all familiar with bros icing bros, then this is funny: A Smirnoff Ice ad was visible on Graham Gano’s 52-yard would’ve-been game-winner, just moments after Gary Kubiak had iced the kicker on his first, successful attempt. [Black and Gold Tchotckes]

Boz slobbers all over Donovan McNabb’s performance. [Thomas Boswell]

Albert Haynesworth was inactive due to a sprained ankle. [Redskins Insider]

If you like our Winners & Losers, you’ll like these. [Bog, DC Landing Strip]

Al Koken’s nickname for Dan Snyder’s radio station is priceless. [City Desk]

Snyder didn’t ask permission to use RFK’s initials at FedEx. [City Desk]

Adam Dunn sounds optimistic about remaining in Washington. [WaPo]

Nyjer Morgan hosted the Philly fan he threw a ball at. [Nats Journal]

Nats swept on Storen’s blown save; O’s beat Yanks on walkoff. [WaPo, Sun]

Leonsis, who’s always media bird-doggin’, chirps at the NYT. [Ted's Take]

Goalie Michael Neuwirth debuts his new mask. [Caps Insider]

WINNERS

LaRon Landry — 17 tackles! Somehow, it seemed like even more.

DeAngelo Hall — He was the most likely guy to take a totally illogical Tashard Choice fumble to the house, and that’s exactly what he did.

Jammal Brown — I didn’t hear his name all game long. Awesome.

Chris Cooley — Fred Davis who? Six catches for 80 yards.

Brian Orakpo — The numbers weren’t there, but he drew two key holding calls, including the game-winner of sorts.

Graham Gano – That 49-yard FG was so clutch.

Jim Haslett — His defense held Dallas to 7 in his Washington debut.

Mike Shanahan — It wasn’t pretty, but he beat Dallas in his D.C. debut.

FedEx Field — That sounded like a good crowd.

Cris Collinsworth – Took jabs at Haynesworth all night long, and his call to end the game — “I’m not sure Alex Barron is on the team by the time the plan lands.” — was priceless.

LOSERS

Josh Bidwell — That third-quarter sequence — the muffed hold on the short FG and the 27-yard punt out of his own end zone — was just brutal.

Albert Haynesworth — Got killed on NBC’s broadcast, was a non-factor in the trenches and stood apart on the sidelines.

Anyone saying, “You can’t take points off the board.” – The Skins had just made a field goal, but Dallas jumping offsides made it first down inside the 20. That’s a gift, and you accept it every single time.

Kyle Shanahan — The offense had a lot of trouble moving the ball. Maybe because he was calling back-to-back fades for Anthony Armstrong.

Larry Johnson — Handed Dallas a timeout by staying in bounds.

Mike Sellers — Don’t throw to Mike Sellers.

LeBron James — Of course he’s a Dallas fan.

MEDIUM

Donovan McNabb — The numbers weren’t there, nor were the mistakes.

Silverback Williams — Had some trouble with DeMarcus Ware and committed a bad false start late in the game. Held his own though.

Devin Thomas — Was tackled by the kicker on both of his kick returns. That’s a good thing. Didn’t catch a pass. Not so good.

Clinton Portis — Didn’t run for much, but sure did block good.

The gold pants — A lot of folks seem excited about them, even if they’re kinda hideous. I’m not too worked up about it though; anything’s better than burgundy-on-burgundy.

Considering the Orioles were an MLB-worst 32-73 when Buck Showalter took over, that’s pretty remarkable right there (via Camden Chat).

1. We get to do this every fifth day. This is just setting in now, and it is awesome. Case in point, this was the first time I’ve recorded a Nats game. Appointment programming! Let’s do it again Friday!

2. He didn’t have the good stuff. The fastball wasn’t hitting triple-digits, the curveball wasn’t falling off the table and the location wasn’t there. He still held Cleveland to two hits and one run in five-and-a-third. (Update: Despite what MASN’s gun was saying, Strasburg actually hit 100 nine times.)

3. He showed human emotion. The Strasbot 2010 kicked some dirt after issuing his fourth walk, prompting the grounds crew to come out and fix the mound, which was really irritating Strasburg.

4. Drew Storen saved his ass. Strasburg’s fellow 2009 first-rounder inherited and escaped a bases loaded, one-out jam. After 11.2 major league innings, Storen’s ERA is actually lower than St. Stephen’s.

5. Strasburg “is definitely a road show.” That was Rob Dibble’s quote, and it was a good one. I’m not sure what the announced attendance was, but Bob Carpenter said the Indians usually draw half that.

6. He needn’t throw strikes. Strasburg got at least three Ks on pitches way out of the strike zone (a fastball high, a sinker low and a curve in the dirt). Of course he did. He’s filthy, even on an off day.

7. The changeup goes deep. His one run allowed came from Travis Hafner’s homer on a low change, which is how Pittsburgh scored too. (Update: Maybe it wasn’t a changeup. Again, MASN’s gun was off.)

8. Dibble continues to be awful. His commentary on the pitch seen below, called a ball: “Here’s the pitch track. That’s strike three.” #firedibble.

9. Good for Adam Dunn. Like Ryan Zimmerman in Strasburg’s debut, a microcosm of Dunn’s fine season was seen in the spotlight as he homered, doubled, walked and leveled Carlos Santana on a non-play at the plate.

Ho. Lee. Cow. But wait, there’s more insta-analysis where that came from:

1. Strasburg’s stuff is absolutely filthy. MASN’s gun topped out at 103. SB Nation DC is trying to name his low-80s curveball. His changeup split the difference. He threw all three over and got multiple punch outs with each.

2. He struck everybody out. Everyone in Pittsburgh’s lineup struck out at least once, and his 14 strikeouts are a new Nationals team record. Despite getting pulled after seven he fell just one shy of the Major League record for strikeouts in debut.

3. His command was impressive. Early on I remarked to Chris that Strasburg’s control worries me, because he misses the mitt a lot. Yet he walked no one and got through seven on only 94 pitches.

4. He works fast. So fast in fact that MASN kept missing live pitches while showing replays of previous pitches. This is a good thing.

5. His taste in music is right on. He took the mound and came to the plate to the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army.” Excellent choice.

6. It’s terrific that Zim homered in the first inning. All eyes were on Mr. Walk-Off, and he delivered. Hopefully this helps folks nationwide realize that he’s one of the best in the game. Related: Zimmerman has that Ripken-esque knack for dropping bombs in notable-yet-meaningless games.

7. That must’ve been so much fun for Pudge. The future Hall of Famer has caught 1,698 ballgames, but never one quite like that one.

8. Let’s not forget that the Pirates suck. Lastings Milledge, who has zero home runs, is their No. 3 hitter.

9. Rob Dibble was typically awful. As usual, he complained about the strike zone ad nauseum — once in each of Strasburg’s first three innings. He also said Strasburg hadn’t batted since college, despite the fact that he had four hits in 10 minor league at-bats. I suggest we use Strasburg’s starts as an opportunity to get the #firedibble movement going on Twitter.

10. That was special. When Strasburg struck out the side in the seventh to close the book on an amazing debut I had serious goosebumps. In its way, it was a perfect game, and we’ll never forget what we just saw.