Handing out labels following Skins games. This time, a 17-6 loss at Houston to fall to 0-1.
Alfred Morris — Typical FroMo. 14 carries, 91 yards.
Pierre Garcon — Still a beast. 10 catches, 77 yards.
Ryan Kerrigan — Stripping Arian Foster inside the 10 was a sorely needed big play.
Jason Hatcher — Notched a real nice sack in his Skins debut.
Keenan Robinson — I don’t know if he actually played well or not, but it was his first career start and he got his name called quite a bit on the broadcast. Recovered a fumble and made a nice special teams tackle too. Seems like a swell guy.
Tress Way — Did you know our punter’s name is Tress Way? Averaged 49.2 per on five punts.
Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard — Puts Jayson Werth’s to shame. Not bad, Harvard.
The 49ers — Thank you for what you did to Dallas.
Jay Gruden — I was hoping for an electrifying debut like the one Shanahan had two years ago, but yeah, that didn’t happen. The good news is the Skins outplayed ‘em, picking up more total yards, first downs and time of possession. The bad news is they did a ton of stupid shit, from penalties to turnovers to special teams gaffes to burnt timeouts to bad challenges. Humble beginning.
Ben Kowitca — One year after the Redskins special teams unit was one of the worst ever, they allowed not only a blocked extra point but a blocked punt for a TD. HOLY SHIT. I don’t know anything about new ST coach Ben Kowitca, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he was in Bruce Allen’s frat or something.
Whoever was blocking JJ Watt — Tyler Polumbus? Chris Chester? K. Lichtensteiger? All of the above? Other? IDK, it never actually happened.
Bacarri Rambo — Got all turned around and lost on DeAndre Hopkins’ 76-yard TD. Safety is a problem.
Jordan Reed – Strained hamstring on his first catch of the season. Fantastic!
Barry Cofield — Left with a high ankle sprain and was seen in a walking boot after the game.
Nile Paul — Had a huge catch-and-run, only to fumble inside the 10.
Santana Moss — Weird seeing him as a healthy inactive. Ryan Grant, the guy who took his spot, was not targeted.
Roy Helu — Got some action in the backfield, and did something with it (six touches, 61 yards), but also let his man fly right by him on that blocked punt, which was good for -7 points.
DeAngelo Hall – Picked up a very D. Hall unnecessary roughness penalty, pushing a receiver who had a caught a ball on him and was already on the ground back onto the ground, after the whistle.
Andre Johnson — Passed Art Monk for 16th in all-time receiving yards. Nobody passes Art Monk in anything.
David Diehl — The latest talking meat puppet to step off of the NFL factory line and into Fox’s broadcast rotation. I’d call him Capt. Obvious, but that implies a minimum level of competence. Specializes in awkward silences, repeating himself and heavy breathing.
Robert Griffin III — Accurate on the short stuff and didn’t turn it over except for the botched handoff. Didn’t look sharp diagnosing the pass rush, and just didn’t seem dangerous with the ball. The line was a wreck, and I’m not sure we could’ve expected much better than what we got. If Andre Roberts stays in bounds on that one deep ball, which I think he should have, RGIII’s looking at 81% completion percentage and 300+ yards.
Jim Haslett — I’m not sure if it was the Skins D that played well or the Texans O that played poorly. Houston fans are probably saying the same thing in reverse.
Kai Forbath — His kickoffs were going to the back of the end zone, which was nice.
Darrel Young — Accidentally tackled Roberts on a punt return. Vultured a rushing TD from FroMo.
Andre Roberts – Pretty lackluster debut. Thought he should’ve stayed in bounds on that deep first half pass. Did average 28 yards on kick returns and 18 on punts.
DeSean Jackson — Caught 8 short passes on 9 targets in his Skins debut. Also lined up at RB a couple times. Mildly exciting.