Look How Scared Clinton Portis Is
By Chris Mottram | November 19, 2008
As you likely know, we’re coming up on the one year anniversary of Sean Taylor’s death. So, in honor of the occasion, ESPN the mag has decided to put together a comprehensive look at just how scary it is to be a professional football player.
The feature is broken into eight different parts, each written by a different player (and one by the Broncos security dude), who discusses his fears. Or something like that. I’ve actually only read the intro to Ben Roethlisberger’s section, which mentioned something about BBQ sauce making Ben scared, and the part by Clinton Portis, which features this choice nugget (note: they left in the poor grammar, that’s how you know CP wrote this shit):
Lots of people getting humble, but an athlete’s money is constant. …
I was at a charity event the other night and I had a man come up to me and grab me, hard, as if we were close friends. It was one of those hard grabs, around the neck, the way people who don’t know you shouldn’t touch you. So I turned around looking at him like, uh, do I know you? And his response was “I pay your salary, I’m a season ticket holder.” Now, what do season tickets cost? Twenty thousand dollars? Pay my salary? Man, I don’t make $20,000.
I worked hard for what I got. This life wasn’t given to me. It wasn’t eenie, meanie, miney, mo: I win. I’ve been fighting for what I got my whole life and it was hard work. I’ve seen everything. I’ve lost family members. I’ve held an AK-47, I’ve held assault rifles. I’ve seen crack sitting beside me. I’ve seen cocaine sitting beside me. But I stayed clean and found a way to steer myself away from all that. People are upset with me because I’m successful? You should try being successful too.
In case you weren’t paying attention, that first sentence translates directly to mean “Portis pockets straight.” And I’m not sure what this “success” stuff is, but I’d love to hear more about crack, if you’d care to expound, Mr. Portis.
Topics: Clinton Portis, Redskins | 5 Comments »
Plackemeier Punts For Jesus
By Chris Mottram | November 19, 2008
Look, I don’t mean to mock a guy for his religious beliefs (note: alright, maybe I do), but this quote from our muffin top punter Ryan Plackemeier just boggles my mind:
“I don’t ever feel like I have anything to prove to anyone,” Plackemeier said. “I perform solely for Jesus Christ.”
Well then Plack, you’re performing for no one because I can assure you that the invisible man in the sky does not give a shit about punting. Maybe if you were the quarterback, Jesus would notice your efforts. Maybe. But dude, you’re the punter. Jesus is ashamed that you took the small amount of athletic skill he blessed upon thee and wasted it on kicking. Look at your frame, you could’ve been something more useful, like a nose tackle or one of those fat guys who run down field at full speed with their eyes closed on kickoffs. Wedge-buster. That’s it.
Topics: Redskins | 8 Comments »
Wait, the Redskins Had an Actual Mascot?
By Jamie Mottram | November 19, 2008
With all this talk about Washington gaming the Pro Bowl system, I went to Getty Images hoping to find a sweet pic of Joe Jacoby in a hula skirt. Or something. What I stumbled upon, however, is totally perplexing:
Yipes. The caption on the photo, please:
HONOLULU, HI - FEBRUARY 5: The Washington Redskins mascot stands on the sidelines during the 1995 NFL Pro Bowl at Aloha Stadium on February 5, 1995 in Honolulu, Hawaii. The AFC defeated the NFC 41-13. (Photo by George Rose/Getty Images)
I didn’t know they had a mascot, let alone one with a mohawk, haunting visage and actual “red” skin. Chief Zee and the Hogettes, sure, but those are unoffical mascots. This seems NFL-sanctioned and Skins-approved.
Web searches for “Redskins mascot” and “Redskins official mascot” come up empty, so I turn to you for help. What’s happening here? And is this one more, um, feather in the cap for dropping the team name?
Topics: Redskins | 11 Comments »
Want: The Nats Elmer Fudd-Style Fitted
By Jamie Mottram | November 19, 2008
We see D.C. sports-related merchandise all the time that, while we may not actually want it for ourselves, we want to share with you. Welcome to Want.
It’s freezing in D.C. right now. Like, literally. And for the hot-fitted wearer, options are limited. That’s why you need MAJOR’s Nats Elmer Fudd Fitted:
Made of Black/Red Buffalo Plaid, this fitted cap features dog ear design that can be fully extended down to cover your ears for that chilly East Coast weather. The ears feature black faux fur, while the inside liner is quilted for your warmth.
It doesn’t appear to be available online, so you’ll have to visit the MAJOR shop in Georgetown on Wisconsin, but I think you and I both know the hat’s worth the trip. It’ll go great with your lumberjack underwear.
Topics: Want, Hot Fitteds, High Fashion, Nationals | 5 Comments »
The Only Thing Worse Than the Skins On Sunday Was Alexander Ovechkin’s Pants
By Jamie Mottram | November 18, 2008
Via The Redskins Blog, which also has sideline pics from Sunday’s game of Brendan Haywood, Lindsay Czarniak and others, it’s Ovie’s signature look:
The horror of those pants is made up for by the hotness of that jersey, but Ovechkin, what with being Russian and brilliant and eccentric and all, gets a pass. Plus, after a slow start, he’s scored in four straight and the Caps are first-place in the Southeast. Wish the same could be said for the Skins in the NFC East.
Topics: Alexander Ovechkin, Capitals, High Fashion, Redskins | 1 Comment »
JMU Is Ranked Higher Than West Virginia
By Jamie Mottram | November 18, 2008
This was ridiculous to begin with, and is even more so the week after. JMU was Sagarin’s 41st-best team in the country, higher than Notre Dame and others of that ilk, and, after beating William & Mary, is up to 33. James Madison. The 33rd-best team in America.
I said it was ridiculous, and some call it “pot-clanging insane”, but no I-AA team has finished this high in at least a decade (JMU at No. 36 in ‘04 is the highest on record). So, like we did last week and will continue to do until the Dukes lose and watch their illogical rating drop, we offer a sampling of teams ranked lower than JMU by Jeff Sagarin:
- 34. Pittsburgh — 7-2 (3-1 in the Big East)
- 37. Wake Forest — 6-4 (4-3 in the ACC)
- 39. West Virginia — 6-3 (3-1 in the Big East)
- 40. Northwestern — 8-3 (4-3 in the Big Ten)
- 42. Arizona — 6-4 (4-3 in the Pac-10)
- 45. Kansas — 6-5 (3-4 in the Big 12)
Again, these are bowl-bound teams from big conferences. Pot-clanging insane indeed. And who knows, maybe if JMU hadn’t lost at Duke back in August Sagarin would have them in the rarefied air of Utah and Boise State, “mid-major” unbeatens knocking on the door of the BCS.
Of course that can’t happen, because Madison is an FCS school. But for how long? With an expanding stadium, a No. 1 ranking and recent championship under their belt … well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. They’ve got Towson on Saturday, and perhaps a top-30 ranking thereafter. Small steps.
Topics: JMU, College Football | 6 Comments »
Zorn: We Can’t Expect Receivers to Catch Balls That Hit Their Hands
By Chris Mottram | November 17, 2008
Quite possibly the two biggest offensive plays of the game for the Skins both happened in the 4th quarter, following the Cowboys go-ahead TD, and both ended in fail. First, there was the one and only deep ball of the game, which went Santana’s way and hit him square in his hands:
Zorn’s reaction from today’s press conference to that drop:
“That was a deep pass, Santana went up for it, and it was a volatile situation. Had he come down with it, that’s a huge play. We did get protection, it was executed well, it was thrown well. He had to go to heroics to make the catch, and we didn’t get it.”
Volatile? Heroics? The ball hit his fucking hands with no defender close enough to disrupt the catch. Zorn’s little buzzwords and catch phrases are fun, except for when they’re just nonsensical bullshit. Dude dropped a game-changing pass. That’s all there is to it.
But there was more from Zorn in defense of the WRs. This is what he had to say about Devin Thomas not hauling in that crucial 3rd-and-4 pass:
“I gave Jason Campbell — I scratched a big minus for him. I didn’t put that on Devin. That was a very, very difficult catch for him to make. Because he was coming inside. Alls Jason had to do was put the ball on his inside shoulder and he threw it low. He raised up and he threw it right down. Now you’re telling that receiver he had to actually burst, dive to make the catch. Tough, tough catch. I wouldn’t put that on Devin.”
You can watch that play at the 3:30 mark here, if you can bare it. If that was a “very, very difficult” catch for Devin Thomas, then we way overreached for him in the second round. Sure, it was a little low — at his knees — but it hit his hands. I have no idea what being required to “burst” means, but he didn’t have to dive, or go to the aforementioned heroics. He just had to hold onto the god damn ball. It was actually a pretty easy catch.
(Quotes via Redskins Blog)
Topics: Zorn Star, Redskins | 6 Comments »
Skins Are Even With Giants — It’s Their Records That Are Difference
By Chris Mottram | November 17, 2008
This poll on Redskins.com (via Steinz) points out this interesting fact: The difference between winning and losing is which team scores more points.
Topics: Great Ideas, Redskins | 1 Comment »