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    Meat Hook Really, Really Enjoys Massage

    Friday, May 2nd, 2008

    When you’re a large man — say, oh, about 6′2″, 298 — you’re bound to have some hip and/or back problems. That is exactly what’s been going on with our beloved Dmitri Young lately. He hasn’t had an at-bat since April 2, and before Wednesday’s game, the pain was still so insufferable that Da Meat […]

    Colt Brennan Is a Douche, But His Girlfriend Seems Like She Might Be Alright

    Tuesday, April 29th, 2008

    Let me tell you why Colt Brennan is a proverbial douchebag:

    His fucking name is Colt. Perhaps he should try going by his middle name, James. I realize people may end up calling him “Jamie,” which is a girl’s name, but it’s better than being called “Colt,” which is the same as your name being Douche. […]

    Nats Will Not Go 0-17 Against the Mets

    Friday, April 25th, 2008

    Excuse me for a moment while I rudely interrupt the Wizards sights and sounds shitfest for some Nationals lovin’. They beat the Mets 10-5 last night, and unlike DeShawn who was simply tip of the orange flame hot, Felipe Lopez was blue flame white fire hot. He had six RBI, including a tiebreaking grand slam. […]

    Chris Cooley Has Fantasies Just Like You

    Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

    The good news that Chris Cooley is a blogger turns great now that he’s answering questions from fans. And not lame, “What do you think of Coach Zorn?”-type questions, either.
    We’re talking, “Who would win in a tag team match between Chris and Christy and Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson?”-type questions. To which Captain Chaos answers:
    “The tag team match would […]

    Miss USA Girls Ready for the Final Four

    Friday, April 4th, 2008

    Here are Michelle Gillespie (Miss Kansas), Hailey Laine Brown, (Miss Tennessee), Raquel Roxanne Beezley, (Miss California), and Andrea Duke, (Miss North Carolina) showing their state spirit:

    Based on this photo, I’m gonna have say to UCLA is the big winner (as if we didn’t already know that). Although there’s something about that cornfeed beef raised country […]

    It’s Okay to Be Envious of Andy Roddick

    Monday, March 31st, 2008

    Today’s news has officially and permanently solidified Roddick’s spot atop my All-Envy Team: He is engaged to Brooklyn Decker (via With Leather). You know, the 20 year-old, impossibly hot SI swimsuit model. Here’s a refresher:

    Andy, you could never win any grand slams for the rest of your career (and don’t worry, we aren’t expecting you […]

    Comparing the Best, Worst Jobs in Sports

    Monday, March 24th, 2008

    Actually, there’s no comparison, but away we go …
    Worst job: The drug tester who watches guys “do a 360″ before urinating (via Rod Benson).
    Best job: This guy (via my buddy Spachtholz, who’s responsible for most of our “opposite sex” posts).

    Texas A&M Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

    Friday, March 14th, 2008

    The halls of Mister Irrelevant Incorporated (I have no idea what that means) are filled with nothing but Debbie Downers on this Friday. I was so looking forward to scalping tickets to tonight’s Maryland-Clemson game, and Jamie was so looking forward to begging his better-half to let him watch the game at a friend’s house. […]

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