Wizznutzz is one of my favorite blogs of all time, but they don’t blog anymore, so this is a special treat. Here, with a dispatch from the Mothering Hut, are our mysterious friends the @wzzntzz.
“All the advantages ov Christianity and alcohol; none ov their defects.” -Aldous Huxley on Skittles in “Brave New World”
When JCraw palmed the tropical rainbow vs. Philly on Jan. 30, he wasn’t entering the game, he was checking into the Matrix. But his was no choice between the red and blue pills — it was a cosmic handful from the whole color stream: the pineapple passionfruit, the strawberry starfruit, the mango tangelo.
So, rather than picking between blissful ignorance or the pain ov reality, JCraw absorbed the universe all at once and entered the Infinite Sphere. In three dimensions a basketball always rotates on a fixed access, but in infinite dimensions there’s long been a question whether that invariant remains. But JCraw, using quantum mechanics as engineered by the Wringley Jr. Company in the form ov corn syrup and palm oil and enough artifice to prove we are all computer simulations, offered proof that no matter how many 50-foot jumpers can be launched with time left on the shot clock, the basketball, and therefore your soul, will have a FIXXXED ACCCESSSS.
My buddy Ewoldt (of Hogs Haven) got the fancy garlic-parmesan fries with some fancy mayo dipping sauce from the Fancy $10 French Fry Place and I stole a few. They were good, not on the level of Belga Café or Brasserie Beck, but still good.
The line for Shake Shack was way too long, but some old lady I asked said she liked it. (First rate reporting.) The new BBQ joint gave me an odd mix of emotions. First, the smell of sweet and spicy hit my nose and triggered an immediate reaction of pleasure, but quickly memory kicked in and I was pissed I wasn’t eating Boog’s.