— Mr. Irrelevant (@MrIrrelevantDC) March 9, 2014
Just parking this here, should you be looking for nightmare fuel.
Here with a different point of view is Mr. Irrelevant Caps and Terps correspondent Brad Parker, who — *gasp* — doubles as a Cowboys fan.
I’m not that guy you hate. You know, the one that can’t find Dallas on a map but still roots for the Cowboys. You’ll probably still hate me but at least I was born in Fort Worth and have been to many a Thanksgiving game in person. So yes, I live in the D.C. area, and I love the Dallas Cowboys.
I also love Tony Romo. As soon as I heard the news Monday the Kubler-Ross stages of grief hit the ground running. Depression took a little more time than the rest, but I still got to acceptance in record speed.
Then something came out of nowhere. Looking forward to another winner-take-all Week 17 game it dawned on me: Dallas fans need the Cowboys to lose. I’m not talking about fantanking, actively rooting against my favorite team hoping for a better draft pick. (No matter which pick we end up with Jerry Jones will make the selection; the guy he takes at 20 could be the exact same guy he’d take at 11.)
Dallas fans need the Cowboys to lose for one simple reason: If Kyle Orton wins where Romo has lost before, I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen to the narrative.
Handing out labels after Skins games. This one a 24-23 loss to Dallas.
Pierre Garcon — Monster game (11 catches, 144 yards) to break Monk’s 29-year-old record for catches in a season. Cousins was looking to him first over and over again. The catch while laying down was particularly inspired.
London Fletcher — Picked up six more tackles in his last home game, and wasn’t embarrassed by Jason Witten once. The diving, flipping attempt he made at DeMarco Murray during the final goal-line stand was absurd. Feel bad about that outcome, though.
DeAngelo Hall – Picked Romo. Loves playing against Dez/Dallas.
Kai Forbath — Made three out of three field goals, including one from 47.
Aldrick Robinson — Made a diving 3rd-and-9 catch in crunch time.
Nick Williams — Looks who’s returning kicks now. Averaged 24.7 per.
Your field sucks Washington and it cost you a game pic.twitter.com/hni9LydBcZ
— World of Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) December 22, 2013
E.J. Biggers — Had a free shot at Romo on a safety blitz, but Romo faked him to the ground and calmly threw a TD to Dez Bryant.
Kirk Cousins — Sloppy in the red zone, sloppy on the last drive. Had some accuracy issues too.
Santana Moss — False started inside the 10. Kinda dropped what ended up being Cousins’ INT. Caught two passes for 13 yards.
Mike Shanahan — Commenters in our open thread were not big fans of him calling timeout with the clock stopped just before the two-minute warning.
Jim Haslett — Interesting choice to not pressure a hobbling Tony Romo AT ALL while Romo limped his way to victory.
Sav Rocca – First punt was returned inside his own 5. His second and third punts were muff-shanks that took lucky bounces. Needs to PSGO.
Keith Burns — The kick return unit committed a block in the back on their last return, when they really needed the field position.
Perry Riley — Got lost on DeMarco Murray’s game-winning TD.
Brian Orakpo — That groin injury did not look pleasant.
Erin Andrews — Why was she working this game?
The FedEx Field turf — Still super-shitty.
— Erik Malinowski (@erikmal) December 22, 2013
Josh Wilson — Made an awesome play to force a fumble early, made an awful play to slip and allow a deep pass late (see above).
Ryan Kerrigan – Picked up a sack for the second straight week, but that was about it.
Alfred Morris — Got carries (24) but didn’t do much with them (88 yards).
The FedEx Field experience — I swear I saw Romo quieting the crowd when Dallas had the ball inside their own 10 during the first quarter. It did get loud late, though. I don’t know; it’s hard to tell on TV.
Here are our staff’s completely scientific predictions. Make yours in the comments. Whoever is closest to the actual outcome wins a guest post on this here weblog.
Andy Peden: Cowboys, 31-29
I really think the Skins win, but for this to play out correctly Dallas has to play a week 17 game that matters so they can fuck it up for the third year in a row.
Matt Terl: Cowboys, 27-24
Late pick-six from Cousins loses a game the Skins lead the whole way.
Jack Kogod: Cowboys, 31-23
They both suck.
JP Finlay: Redskins, 30-23
A lot of Alfred and a couple sacks from Orakpo.
Todd Davis: Redskins, 24-23
A late sack/fumble from our MVP, No. 9!
Chris Mottram: Cowboys, 38-17
Jamie Mottram: Redskins, 24-20
We weren’t going to keep doing these posts, but we’ll have eight months to wallow in the nothingness. For now, beat Dallas.
Composite prediction: Cowboys, 27-23
Handing out labels after Skins games, this time a 31-16 loss at Dallas.
— Tarik El-Bashir (@TarikCSN) October 14, 2013
Jim Haslett – The first drive was U-G-L-Y, but the defense came back to keep it close despite meager offense and horrific special teams.
DeAngelo Hall — Held Dez Bryant to 36 yards receiving and made a great play to prevent a Miles Austin TD. Gets the game ball.
Jordan Reed — Four catches on five target for 58 yards. Trucked a Dallas safety to boot.
Roy Helu — A very quiet 77 yards from scrimmage.
Rob Jackson — Picked Romo again in first game back from suspension.
Keith Burns — Makes Danny Smith look like Joe Gibbs.
Mike Shanahan – Failed to call timeout after Reed’s big catch at the end of the half, costing them 17 seconds and more TD chances. Kept kicking short field goals on fourth-and-short. Continued huddling up down two scores late in the fourth. Not a good night for Mike Shanahan.
Pierre Garcon – Only caught six balls on 15 targets. Got mixed up with RGIII on a couple routes.
Leonard Hankerson — Only two catches on six targets. Plain dropped what would’ve been a first down on fourth-and-10.
Ryan Kerrigan — Didn’t sack or intercept the quarterback. This is weird.
David Amerson — Called for pass interference. Concussed on Dallas’ long kick return.
The refs — Weird night. There were penalties galore, including one on each bench for unsportsmanlike conduct. And I still don’t get how Dallas was “blocked into the ball” on that punt return buttfumble (above).
Al Michaels — Likes to call RGIII “RG.” I don’t like that.
— Heather McDonough (@schwawa) October 14, 2013
Robert Griffin III — Didn’t have time to throw, but was running as much as ever (77 yards on nine carries, plus 30 yards in late hit penalties along the sidelines). Fumbled twice inside his own 20, losing one inside the 5.
Josh Wilson — Had a great intro (above) and also deflected a pass that turned into an INT. But he missed on a corner blitz, allowing Romo to slip free and connect for a TD.
Alfred Morris — Bottled up all night, aside from a career-high 45-yard TD.
Brian Orakpo — The Brian Orakpo Holding Watch was out in force.
Kai Forbath — Missed a 49-yarder, but it’s good having him back.
Perry Riley — Picked up a sack. Also picked up a late hit.
Josh Morgan — I kinda like Josh Morgan, punt returner. Fearless.
Bob Costas – Just noting that he used his halftime soapbox to say that “Redskins” is an insult and a slur.
The way it works is, our Redskins-loving staff makes predictions in the post, readers make predictions in the comments, and the commenter who comes closest to the final score gets to make a guest post. Hip-hip!
Chris Mottram: Cowboys, 34-23
There’s not a single reason I can find to believe the Skins will win this game: The Cowboys are better by a large margin on offense, a small margin on defense and the game is in Dallas. Skins are six-point underdogs; it won’t be that close.
Matt Terl: Cowboys, 28-20
Oh, is this team still playing football games? I thought it had become a theoretical framework on which to hang our views on the intersection of racism and modern branding. I guess the football stuff is cool too.
Handing out labels following Skins games. Today, a 28-18 victory over Dallas.
Alfred Morris — That was one of the great individual performances in NFL history. Two hundred yards and three touchdowns in a division championship against Dallas. It was the most rushing yards in a game by a Redskins rookie, and gives him a) the most yards in a season by a Redskins running back, b) the third-most yards by a rookie RB and c) the second-most yards in the NFL this season. He says he’ll “never be a star,” but he already is.
Robert Griffin III — Had one bad wheel and no help from his receivers, but he didn’t turn it over, which was fantastic compared to sad Romo.
The offensive line — Paved the way for 274 yards rushing, was rarely flagged and gave up just one sack, even if Josh LeRibeus had to make an appearance. It was beautiful.
Jim Haslett — Blitzed like hell, which was not only fun to watch but highly effective, holding Dallas to 18 points and under 300 yards.