Category Archives: Countdown to Epic Fail

Countdown to Epic Fail Pt. 2: T-Minus 2

As we did with the Nationals’ 100-loss season, we’re counting down to the momentous occasion when the Wizards become historically bad.

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The Wiz lost to Orlando 112-103 on Friday, but that’s not what’s concerning. What’s concerning is that Washington is now 0-14 in the Southeast, two wins away from being the very first NBA team to go winless in its own division. Even more concerning still is this insight from Ivan Carter:

The vision that always comes to my mind when I think about [Darius] Songaila is walking into [the Wiz] locker room before a game and seeing him sitting at his stall calmly watching a tape of that night’s opponent while reading over a scouting report. Meantime, some of the team’s young guys are usually bouncing off the walls goofing off. (It’s Romper Room folks, pure and simple.)

I’ve always maintained that if [Andray] Blatche and JaVale McGee really wanted to learn how to play the game, they’d study Songaila. Another thing that I respect about Songaila is that losing still hurts the guy. I can’t say that about many of the players on this team. In fact, if you walk in that room after most games, you wouldn’t know whether they won or lost.

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Countdown to Epic Fail Pt. 2: T-Minus 3

As we did with the Nationals’ 100-loss season, we’re counting down to the momentous occasion when the Wizards become historically bad.

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From the beginning, we knew this year’s Wiz would be awful. They’ve been tracking towards a franchise-worst record, and we’ve been pining for the top overall pick (love you, Blake Griffin!) since November, but those things don’t convey just how bad this team is quite like the following from Wizards beat writer Ivan Carter:

Following last night’s 98-89 loss to the Atlanta Hawks in front of a sparse crowd at Verizon Center, it’s entirely possible that the Wizards (14-46) may become the first team in NBA history to go winless in its own division.

BAM! That’ll do it. Winless in their division = epic fail of historic proportions.

The Wiz are 0-13 against the Magic, Hawks, Heat and Bobcats (yeah, the Bobcats) and have three more chances against Southeast foes, all at home: Orlando on 3/13, Charlotte on 3/25 and Miami on 4/4. The good news is that they’re slightly better at home (10-22) than on the road (4-24; yeah, 4-24).

The other good news is that Dominic McGuire continues to play well. He had nine assists against Atlanta and is averaging 8.1 points, 8.4 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 2.3 blocks in seven games since the All-Star break. Not bad for a second-rounder.

Countdown to Epic Fail: T-Minus 1

With the Nats on the cusp of their first 100-loss season, we will countdown to the momentous occasion here after each loss leading up to the milestone.

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After Tim Redding’s outstanding 2 2/3-inning, seven-run performance last night against the Marlins (he came up short of his career high 11th win), the moment is upon us: We are one loss from 100.  Man, we’ve come a long way. Shit, it seems like only yesterday that we were 10 losses from this thing actually happening. Maybe that’s ’cause it was just 14 days ago.

The Nats have four games left to reach the milestone, but we’d really like to see them get it out of the way tonight, at home, in front of the dozens of loyal fans who have been there for the highs and lows. But mostly the lows. Lots and lots of lows. Those fans deserves to witness this ultimate mark of ineptitude.

Whenever it happens, we have, um, big, big plans. Yep, lots of stuff planned here for the 100th loss. Unless it happens on Sunday, in which case we probably won’t notice.

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Countdown to Epic Fail: T-Minus 4

With the Nats on the cusp of their first 100-loss season, we will countdown to the momentous occasion here after each loss leading up to the milestone.

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In the most perfect match-up of ineptitude, the Nats lost in 14 to the Padres to reclaim the worst record in the N.L., although they’re still a half-game better than the Mariners in all of MLB. We’re four losses away with eight games left. Given their current winning percentage of 37%, it looks like this is gonna happen.  Oh, and Chico Harlan has resurfaced. I assume he just couldn’t miss this historically pathetic SD-Washington series.

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Countdown to Epic Fail: T-Minus 5

With the Nats on the cusp of their first 100-loss season, we will countdown to the momentous occasion here after each loss leading up to the milestone.

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Now, I don’t mean to imply that HKeith here, who left us this photo in the comments, is somehow an epic failure. But, alas, it’s impossible to avoid that implication by including his photo in this post. Rest assuring HKeith, and any other Mr. Walk-Off shirt owners, you are not failures. I think there are at least four young ladies who would attest to that. Seriously though, whenever I rock my Mr. Walk-Off to the Teeter, or wherever, the bitches go crazy. And by “go crazy,” I mean they walk past me without making eye contact. I can tell they want it, though. Bitches be playin’ hard to get and shit. I can dig. “Meet me in the pre-packaged deli meats section, aisle 8, which yo sexy ass shirt” is what they be tryin’ to say.

Oh, and the Nats lost. Five games from 100, nine games left. And Chico Harlan is still MIA. We have men combing every insane asylum within a 50-mile radius of Nationals Park and divers searching the depths of the Anacostia.

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Countdown to Epic Fail: T-Minus 6

With the Nats on the cusp of their first 100-loss season, we will countdown to the momentous occasion here after each loss leading up to the milestone.

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It’s really getting down to the wire here, people. After dropping last night’s game to the Mets (did Chico Harlan quit?), there are only 10 games left, and the Nats have to lose six to reach the 100-loss mark we so desperately want to see achieved. If they fall short — say, only lose 99 games — then this entire series of posts will be a failure more epic than Washington’s season. That, of course, would assume this entire series isn’t already a failure, which is up for debate.

Here’s the fun part though: The Nats could potentially ruin Philly’s season, just as they helped crush the Mets’ postseason dreams last year. They end the year with a three-game set in Philly. The way things look right now, those three games could very well decide not only the NL East, but the NL Wild Card, as well. As I’ve said before, I’d rather see the Mets in and the Phillies out, but I also need the Nats to lose 100. I’m really torn here …

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Countdown to Epic Fail: T-Minus 7

With the Nats on the cusp of their first 100-loss season, we will countdown to the momentous occasion here after each loss leading up to the milestone.

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Yesterday’s 8-7 loss seemed to be the most fitting of “Epic Fail” since we started this countdown (a countdown, I might add, that is becoming slightly tedious. Now I almost understand how Chico Harlan feels). The Nats were cruising along, leading 6-1 in the eighth behind the strength of young Collin Balester’s 6 2/3 innings, one run performance. But, the wheels fell off the Nats’ jalopy that is this season quickly and painfully. Four different pitchers combined to give up seven runs in the eighth. The Nats went on to lose 8-7, extending their losing streak to five and leaving us just seven losses from the moment we’re all waiting for. With 13 games left to play, we’re confident they can do it.

Alright, sorry for playing Debbie Downer. You may continue with your regularly scheduled Redskins rejoicing now.

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Countdown to Epic Fail: T-Minus 9

With the Nats on the cusp of their first 100-loss season, we will countdown to the momentous occasion here after each loss leading up to the milestone.

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I almost — almost — feel bad for using this image of Shairon Martis watching Jorge Cantu round the bases after hitting a homer, because despite the Nats losing 2-1, Martis showed some serious promise, again. He pitched five innings, K’ed nine and Cantu’s bomb was the only earned run he gave up. This on the heels of his last start, in which he gave up two runs over five innings. So, Martis is 0-2 in two starts, but at 21-years-old, he’s shown that he might, maybe, please God, be a bright spot in this rotation next season.

Epic Failure of the Game: Paul Lo Duca, mostly for still trying to cling to a big league career, despite no longer being able to take steroids. He was kind enough to talk with Chico for a few minutes yesterday, during which he apologized to the Nats, yet again. Apology still not accepted, douchebag. Oh, and in his lone AB last night for the Marlins, he hit a single, tried to stretch it into a double and was thrown out at second. As Chico pointed out, it was an apt metaphor for his career.

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