With the Skins out of the playoffs, there’s a good chance you don’t really give a shit about the rest of the postseason. But it’s still NFL football, and you’re still gonna watch. So you might as well try to come up with some half-baked rooting interests. We’re here to help.
In order of least to most rootable:
Patriots. I would throw my support behind an NFC East rival before I’d root for New England. In fact, I did last February.
Texans. I don’t think I can stand to watch another Texans game after last weekend. Also: From Texas.
Seahawks. Much like the Cardinals after the Nats’ meltdown, I want nothing more than for Seattle to be completely and totally embarrassed. Plus, Matt Ufford — the Internet’s Seahawks fan — wrote 20 reasons to hate the Redskins, which included calling me a “bitch-fighting child.” I still don’t know what that is, but I TAKE OFFENSE.
49ers. I’m not sure you’ve adequately considered the RETURN TO GLORY bullshit we’d hear for two weeks if S.F. makes the Super Bowl. It’ll be Notre Dame 2.0. And their loyal fans from across the country who have never stepped foot in California but “have liked them since I was a little kid” will come out in force and you’ll remember why you hate this franchise: They’re the Dallas Cowboys of the West.
Ravens. I realize this is a controversial thing to say ’round these parts, but I really have no issues with the Ravens. I’m neutral on them. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a Ravens fan, so I have no personal experiences which would lead me to dislike the team. I love Ray Lewis. I love Joe Flacco’s inflated sense of self-worth. I think Ray Rice is awesome. And John Harbaugh is by far the least obnoxious Harbaugh. Baltimore would be my lesser of two evils in a lot of current playoff scenarios.
Falcons. The only thing keeping me from fully endorsing Atlanta is the thought of their fans all doing the arm chop thing and yelling “BARVES” during baseball season. That aside, it’s a pretty likable team, and one that’s never won a damn thing, so they sorta deserve it.
Packers. Sure, they just won the Super Bowl two years ago, but they still provide a great viewing experience (unless facing Joe Webb), and would be an awesome matchup against most of the AFC teams.
Broncos. We can be cynical about the media’s fawning over Manning, but a Peyton-led offense is a very fun thing to watch. A Denver-Green Bay Super Bowl would probably be a classic. In fact, fellow SBN Bro Andy Hutchins ranked it No. 1 out of 36 possible SB matchups before the playoffs started. I tend to agree.