The Skins released Chris Cooley today. We were pretty big fans, you know. Here are 47 reasons why:
1. He wore short shorts in practice.
2. He wore short shorts over long tights in practice.
3. He was drafted by Joe Gibbs, who’s “queer” for tight ends.
4. He left his car running for nine hours while attending a Caps game.
5. He and his brother competed in (and lost) the Mottram-Cooley throw-off.
6. He scored this 2007 TD that caused my brother and friends to lose it:
7. He scored three touchdowns before halftime against Dallas in a 2005 game that I was so drunk at.
8. He lost his fantasy matchup that week because his opponent started him.
9. He was pulled over while doing a radio interview, and he got out of it.
10. He was really into prank calling other players.
11. He published a picture of his penis on the Internet.
12. He was the Redskins’ nominee for NFL Man of the Year.
13. He took one of the world’s awesome wedding photos.
14. He wore his hair out for awhile.
15. He wore his hair blond for awhile.
17. He did a Fantasy File commercial for NFL.com.
18. He had a pretty terrific nickname, Captain Chaos.
19. He showed up at a D.C. sports blogger happy hour and had beers with everyone.
20. He deposited a $9 million check at a drive-through.
21. He drank 21 shots of Beam on his girl’s 21st birthday.
22. He played “Johnny White Guy” in Clinton Portis’ alternate reality.
23. He married a Skins cheerleader who also modeled in Maxim.
24. He was bros with Dale Earnhardt Jr.
25. He was really into pottery, and even owns a pottery gallery in Leesburg.
26. He was also a pretty damn good painter.
27. He was really into collecting football cards.
28. He recorded a hilarious wedding message for the Kogods..
29. He honored Sean Taylor at the Pro Bowl.
30. He made and wore a pair of heavy metal gym shorts.
31. He was a fantastic blogger, both on his own site and Yahoo! Sports, where I had the good fortune of being his editor.
32. He played flag football with a bunch of random dudes.
33. He was going to have a reality show at one point.
34. He served as Colt Brennan’s “life coach.”
36. He pulled back the curtain on the postgame surgery experience.
37. He was photographed smoking cigs during the offseason.
38. He really called Tony Romo out for choking.
40. He wore a Chris Cooley robe in the locker room.
41. He served as a correspondent for the Ocho Cinco Network.
42. He went to Disney World with Jason Campbell on his bye week.
43. He starred in a “Top Gun”-inspired Eastern Motors commercial with JC.
44. He was a state champion wrestler and gave Fred Davis the business once.
46. He has the Redskins record for catches by a tight end (428).
47. He conducted an emotional press conference the day of his release.