« Remembering Gilbert Arenas as a Wizard | Home | Andy’s A-11: A Word About Mike Leach »
Will Leitch on the Nats Signing Rick Ankiel
By Jamie Mottram | December 20, 2010
Joining us to weigh in on Rick Ankiel to the Nats is noted Rick Ankiel fan and Deadspin founding editor Will Leitch.
Here’s what’s going to happen:
1. He’s going to hit about .225.
2. Anytime he faces a left handed pitcher, he will strike out on four pitches, the fourth of which will be a curve ball that hits the dirt 12 inches in front of his foot. This will not stop him from swinging at it. It will in fact encourage him.
3. For all the talk of his defensive prowess, you will find that he gets horrible jumps and will end up splayed on the ground as the ball rolls past him to the wall at least six times.
4. Just when you have had enough of him, when you are convinced that Leitch is an idiot and this guy is the WORST, someone will leave him a changeup right down the middle, and he will hit it about 500 feet. Then, the next inning, he will make a diving play 400 feet away from the plate, leap up and throw a dead strike to nail a guy trying to tag between second and third. Then he’ll hit another three run homer to cap off a comeback in which the Nats were down by six going into the ninth inning.
5. He will then go 0-for-his-next-23.
6. He then will repeat steps 2, 3, and 4.
7. And then, then you will know, and you will understand.
Topics: Guest Posts, Nationals, Rick Ankiel | 9 Comments »
December 20th, 2010 at 2:44 PM
I still think they can make him a pitcher again.
December 20th, 2010 at 3:06 PM
Well I for one am excited for the Ankiel era. Especially when Rizzo gives him a shot at middle reliever.
December 20th, 2010 at 5:19 PM
Rizzo acquired Ankiel as a utility outfielder to play behind Bernadina and provide depth in case of injury.
On a $1.5M deal I don’t see what the issue is. No one is suggesting this guy is going to see 500 at bats this year.
December 20th, 2010 at 5:24 PM
As a fellow sufferer of Steve Blass Disease, I’m thrilled to welcome Ankiel to D.C., even if he won’t play all that much or all that well, even.
December 20th, 2010 at 11:40 PM
Brilliant. Just Brilliant. I think we have the new definition of a super-utility guy. Teach him to catch and he can play anywhere.
Can’t wait for that first 18 inning game where he pitches, getting 4 HBPs and 7 wild pitches in the process.
December 21st, 2010 at 7:49 AM
Sounds like the prefect Nat . . . Except for the 500 foot homer and the diving catch thing
December 21st, 2010 at 9:25 AM
Well this is comforting.
December 21st, 2010 at 2:21 PM
I love the signing just because there is now the potential that I can go to nats park and see Rick unleash frozen ropes from the outfield to nail guys buy a good 15 feet. I can only hope he repeats his 2-assist night he once had against the Rockies, aka the best baseball highlight in last 10 yrs. He should also be the closer. That’s all, welcome to DC, Rick.
January 13th, 2011 at 11:07 PM
Haha, this is the funniest, and yet most accurate description of Rick Ankiel I have ever seen. Why any team would want this joke is beyond me. Enjoy those incredible stats Nats fans.