This is what Jim Zorn said today — one day after being dominated by the Lions and eight days after somehow managing to not lose to the Rams at home:
“In the big picture, I think things are progressing. We’re getting better. It’s not coming in the (wins). We’ll continue to press on.”
Take a minute. Let that soak in. We’ll wait.
OK, let’s proceed.
See, what I find really odd about this statement is EVERY FUCKING WORD OF IT. I’ve created a chart to help demonstrate why Zorn’s comments are totally fucked. Here are the points the Skins have scored in each of his 19 games as coach (this includes points scored by the defense, which are zero):
With that visual in mind, let’s take this sentence-by-sentence.
“In the big picture, I think things are progressing.”
How big is the picture? Is it just this season? Because, no, things have done nothing but regress from the opening fucking kickoff in New Jersey. So is the picture the last, say, 10 games that Zorn’s coached? ‘Cause that’s not any better — he’s 3-7 in that picture. Maybe the big picture really is the biggest of pictures: his entire tenure as head coach. In which case: nothing has fucking progressed. TASTE THE GRAPH.
“We’re getting better.”
Really? Well FUCKING AWESOME. Hey, guys, did you hear that?! Yeah, coach says we’re improving. Well, yeah, no shit, part of “getting better” means we’re winning games. Why would you ask such a stupid question? That’s inferred in the statement itself and goes without saying–
“It’s not coming in the (wins).”
Oh. Huh. So, essentially we’re getting better at not winning. That’s actually pretty accurate.
“We’ll continue to press on.”
Well color me reassured. Sure, we looked godfuckingawful against arguably the two worst teams in the NFL in back-to-back weeks. But Zorn is pressing on despite the fact that another winless OFFENSIVE JUGGERNAUT looms on the horizon this week. So brave.
(Vegas has us as 7.5-point favorites for this Sunday vs. the Bucs, which is funny because that means Vegas thinks the Skins will actually score 7.5 points this Sunday.)