At 4AM, after a long night of drinking, the alcohol starts to combine with desperation and everyone instantly becomes really, really sexy. (Especially yourself.) This mirage is a fact of life that we all accept as truth, but not one that I’ve ever heard related to signing with a baseball team.
Until now. Here is Julian Tavarez with the metaphor to end all metaphors after agreeing to a minor league deal with the Nats:
“Why did I sign with the Nationals?” Tavarez said told a group of reporters. “When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It’s 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me.”
The team should really run with this as a whole marketing campaign — “Your 2009 Washington Nationals: Because big girls need love too.” Man, Tavarez is sooo gonna regret signing that deal when he sobers up.