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Portis Goes Swimming With the Fishes
By Chris Mottram | February 4, 2009
While Clinton Portis is over in Hawaii for his second Pro Bowl, he’ll just be chillin’. You know, sittin’ on the beach enjoying an umbrella drink. Maybe take in a Hula show or something. Nothing too crazy.
Oh, right, except for this: He’s going to swim in the ocean with MAN-EATING SHARKS HOLY SHIT HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN PLANET EARTH CLINTON:
“Me and Colt (talked) about going swimming with some sharks,” Portis said. “Get in a little tank, and do a shark adventure. I’m excited about it, Colt’s setting it up. Hopefully we get to do it.”
When asked if there is a clause in his contract forbidding such activities, Portis said, “I mean, I’m going to be in a cage! If a shark bites through the cage and they can’t pull me up in time, I deserved it, boy,” he said.
Colt Brennan, you little fuck. I know you put him up to this. I swear to God, Colt, if he even gets so much as a scratch from your like soiree with the sharks, I’m gonna tell every woman in D.C. that you’re some sort of sex offender. I know, I know, that’s some harsh shit to make up, but dude, we’re talking about the team MVP — wait, what’s that? Colt actually is a sex offender. Oh. Well then. Uh, shit, I don’t know man. Just make sure he doesn’t get eaten by Jaws, alright?
Topics: Clinton Portis, Great Ideas, Redskins | 3 Comments »
February 4th, 2009 at 3:13 PM
Are there any men in DC who aren’t sex offenders? I mean you have that whole Capitol Hill area.
February 4th, 2009 at 3:16 PM
I, for one, am delighted by Chris’s advancements in Photoshop.
February 4th, 2009 at 5:53 PM
Portis better be in a cage. We all know us black people can’t or don’t swim.