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A Trip to the Island of Misfit Merchandise
By Jamie Mottram | December 2, 2008
In Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Island of Misfit Toys is a needy place where unwanted toys have a voice, a voice with lessons for the open-hearted. In the Leesburg Premium Outlets, however, the Washington Redskins Official Store Outlet is a seedy space where unwanted merch has a place, a place with prices for the empty-pocketed.
It was at the latter I found myself last week, home for the holiday and shopping for gifts. In search of, oh I don’t know, 2007 Wild Card gear, I wandered in and was overcome by the burgundy and gold-ness of it all, the Skins Crocs and jumbo bobbleheads; a Chris Cooley version of which was half-off for being “broken”.
To the counter I went, asking if they had anything for newborns. The lone salesman led me to a rack in the back, where he pushed aside tiny things for toddlers and infants, finally pulling out a jersey-style onesie: “Here you go,” without a bit of irony, as if he had found exactly what I was looking for.
OK, so enough with the baby stuff. She’d outgrow it by next season anyway. What’s this, adult jerseys for $20?
Yipes. I mean, I understand that you’ve got B. Lloyd jerseys to unload. He was a high-priced acquisition at a skill position. You tend to bulk up on that sort of thing. But the guy never even caught a touchdown as a Redskin. At least mark these down to $5 so I can buy one as a gag.
Oooh, is that an entire section of Redskins t-shirts? I love the Redskins. I love t-shirts. But not these Redskins t-shirts.
Oh god no. Not the 2008 schedule tee. The same tee that was ridiculous three months ago, yet here it is, still full price. I could see someone buying this if, say, Washington was a Giants-esque 11-1. But they’re 7-5 and weren’t expected to be good to begin with. Speaking of New York …
Riiight. A shirt commemorating nationally televised embarrassment. At least they were 50% off, unlike …
Yeah, the Beltway Battle. Like we give a shit. The sad thing is, all three of these tees are still selling in the Redskins.com Shop, which you’d think would be misfit-proof. Of course, that would be assuming too much. Like the team’s front office being misfit-proof. Then maybe you wouldn’t mind being caught dead wearing this.
Topics: High Fashion, Holy Crap Jamie's a Dad, Redskins | 15 Comments »
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 PM
Oh, you care. The last thing you want is for 695 to get more props than 495.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:42 PM
Maybe we should poll the readership, but I don’t care about beating Baltimore more than I do any other team.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:42 PM
Who the hell would buy a draft day shirt? seriously? let alone a shirt commemorating one single (shitty) game?
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:55 PM
If you are a Skins fan who lived among the Baltimorons you would care. Before I moved to Baltimore, like you I could have cared less. However,in the words of Val Kilmer, “now I really hate em.”
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:20 PM
The President and myself will be in Baltimore on Sunday night.
We will be “ho checking” as soon as we step out of the ride.
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 PM
1. Ho-check
To bitch-slap someone, pref. a female.
You better watch yo’self, lest you want to get ho-checked, beyotch!
December 2nd, 2008 at 3:50 PM
I would show the DTC around some of the better parts of Baltimore…
If I didn’t care about my wife and her desire for me to return home to her sans crutches.
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:30 PM
I’d really enjoy either some video or some words next week from the mayor on his trip to that shit of a city up I-95.
Thanks.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:32 AM
I live blocks from M&T. I can watch the stadium display from my deck. I have (w)hordes of drunken purple and black camo’ed people who act like theyve never had a beer in their lives parading past my house every home game. They dont generally trash the neighborhood & Ive come to like the Ravens because of this. Ill even watch a bit of their games here and there. Joe Flacco is funnest athlete name since COW Ripken to say in Bawlmerese.
I even love Baltimore the way a battered wife loves her man.
BUT!
GD I want a Skins win this weekend!
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:39 AM
If the Mayor is ho-checking in Balto Sunday, might I suggest a place to start?
http://www.collegecandy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/08/michael-phelps-speedo.png
Hahah. Peeter.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Up for discussion on the sports radio station in Baltimore today…Baltimore’s inferiority complex about Dc.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:03 PM
I perused those same t-shirt racks last summer and got those same craptastic shirts (but in last year’s versions) for around $2-4 each. Like cheap wine, they get worse with time…
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:02 PM
@Terps77
On which of the FOUR or FIVE Sports Radio Stations in town do you mean?
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