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Don’t Like Waiting in Lines to Get Into FedEx? Fork Over More Money Then.
By Chris Mottram | August 28, 2008
Dan Snyder has heard your complaints, Redskins fans, about the long lines that form before kick-off, as people flood into the stadium. And his response? Give me more money, if getting to your $75 nosebleeds seats after already paying $40 for parking is so god damn urgent:
Over the weekend, he started selling something called “Fast Lanes” at the Official Redskins Store at Tysons Corner.
Those who pay the $100-per-season fee (on top of regular season ticket costs) get a special ID card that allows them to walk past the hoi polloi huddled at the regular turnstiles to be patted down by stadium security. Beginning with the 2008 home opener against New Orleans, Fast Lane cardholders will enter through doors now reserved for premium ticketholders.
As Dave McKenna at the City Paper points out, if Snyder wasn’t such a scumbag, bloodsucking pile of dogshit, he’d simply fix the long lines by digging into his own pockets, not the fan’s. But no, that’s not how Danny Boy works. And his right hand man, Karl Swanson, has a perfectly reasonable fucking insane explanation:
“The same thing applies to airports and everything else: Some people want to pay a fee to move to a shorter line. Many people would decide no, I’m happy to wait in line.”
Yes, Karl, that’s what the fans want: Their gameday experience to be similar to going to the fucking airport. And no, no one is going to decide that they’re happy to wait in the lines — they’re simply going to decide, no I’m not paying Snyder another fucking dollar to get into this stadium.
But I’m getting all worked up now. I’ll let Clark Griswold have the floor. He has some words for you cheap douchebags:
Topics: Anger!, Mr. Snyder, Redskins | 10 Comments »
August 28th, 2008 at 3:54 PM
In order to get the wallet-size card, fans will have to be fingerprinted and pass a federal background check.
So five, maybe six people will be able to use this option?
August 28th, 2008 at 3:59 PM
As Dave McKenna at the City Paper points out, if Snyder wasn’t such a scumbag, bloodsucking pile of dogshit
I am shocked (SHOCKED!) that you aren’t the team’s official blogger.
August 28th, 2008 at 4:02 PM
@298: Certainly no one in the DTC will be able to purchase one.
@Maj: One of the many reasons why that job wasn’t right for me.
August 28th, 2008 at 4:26 PM
@ Chris: Like everything else, I would put it in my girlfriend or moms name.
Plus we are always first in line, so it has no value to us.
I would however pay 10 bucks to be able to pee faster at half time.
With this new “Code of Conduct” shit, I might not be able to pee in the trash can or the sink anymore.
August 28th, 2008 at 4:47 PM
For 50 more dollars, you can get the Chief Zee X-Press Pass and ride the concourse in style in a golf cart with a complimentary headdress.
August 28th, 2008 at 4:52 PM
Were I someone that had season tickets, I would get this.
I love my EZ Pass.
And here’s a strange comparison. There’s an indy wrestling company in PA that does something similar. You pay a fee once a year and you get a card that lets you into the show 15 minutes early so you can get the best seats. Again, worth the money.
August 28th, 2008 at 5:40 PM
Considering that the bathrooms at FedEx Field are often out of paper towels and soap by halftime, I wonder how long until we see paper towel and soap vending machines in the bathroom.
Hope I didn’t just give Danny Boy a new idea…
Definitely not “worth the money.”
August 28th, 2008 at 5:44 PM
Never has a story and YouTube clip gone so well together as these two right here.
August 28th, 2008 at 5:58 PM
While some people (Odessasteps) pay for the EZ Pass for the toll road, others (The Mayor) just run it.
We both get there in the same amount of time, only difference beingone paid, one didnt.
I thought the “Fast Lanes” were for getting into the parking lot, not the stadium.
So I need to clarify, we are the first ones at the gates to get in the parking lot, and usually get to the game like right before it starts, but I usually can get in without waiting in the line.
I just go up to one of the old ladies at the gate. Hug her and go, “How you doing sugar?” And just walk right in.
60% of the time it works everytime!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:16 PM
“I just go up to one of the old ladies at the gate. Hug her and go, “How you doing sugar?” And just walk right in.
60% of the time it works everytime!”
just another reason the mayor is brilliant in so many ways…