I Love You, Ken Griffey, Jr.

What? Another man can’t profess his love for another male without everyone assuming he’s gay or something? Fine then, I admit it, I’m a big gaylord for Junior. Like a good Catholic boy, my love affair for an older man started when I was a young boy (note: not Catholic. I think divorce and abortion are awesome. We all make mistakes.). Griffey could never do wrong by me. Shit, I modeled my swing after him. And I’m right handed. Amazingly, I did not end up in the major leagues. But I still own in whiffle ball home run derby.

But back to the point here: Griffey is fucking awesome, and Philly fans — as scum of the universe as they may be — all know it:

Based on nothing other than my previously established man-love, I’d say that 600 homers sans ‘roids is better than anything Barry Bonds has ever done. But not more impressive that Brady Anderson hitting 50 home runs in 1996. That. Was. Awesome. And for the record, the words “man-love” and “Brady Anderson” appeared way to close together for comfort just now.

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