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Paintball Is a Pleasant Leisure Activity
By Jamie Mottram | April 21, 2008
While you were on your ass watching the NBA and NHL Playoffs this weekend, I was in western Virginia at my buddy Luke’s bachelor party, playing paintball for the first time.
The bachelor is bottom right, not getting fondled by a man wearing camo.
If you haven’t played, then you’re probably not from a place like western Virginia and have yet to learn a little secret: paint bullets hurt. I’m littered with welts, and I didn’t even get it that bad. One guy looks like he’s developed a third nipple. Another has paint embedded in his side back fat.
All told though, we made it through unscathed, with notables aplenty:
- Our referee, a 15 year-old kid, is on a paintball team that competes in tournaments year-round and practices every Sunday from 9 to 5.
- Having military experience in Iraq and Afghanistan (see: the guy in full camo on the left) directly translates into success on the paintball field.
- We created a new game called Civil War, where two teams stand shoulder-to-shoulder 30 yards apart and take turns firing until everyone’s been hit.
- Never show up for paintball wearing shorts, because shorts cause people to aim low, closer to your testicles.
- Shooting an unsuspecting 60 year-old man in the back from close range was the highlight of my day.
So, yeah, this was probably a first-time, last-time thing for me (and my future children are never playing this godforsaken sport), but bachelor parties will always be welcome.
Bonus: After-the-jump pics of the coolest paintball field ever, or at least the coolest of the five or so that we played on …
Topics: Booze, Paintball, This Is Weird | 5 Comments »
April 21st, 2008 at 2:19 PM
We used to take paintball trips at McCallie Sports Camp that were awesome. And for some reason my dad has four automatic paintball guns in
ourtheir basement. He claims it’s because he was scoutmaster for something. Point being, paintball f’ing rules, although the above course looks like the New Orleans graveyard scene in Easy Rider.April 21st, 2008 at 3:12 PM
No strippers? Fucking rednecks.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:57 PM
Come on Maj, who wants to see naked West Virginia chicks?
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:19 AM
Western Virginia and West Virginia are two completely different states Jeff. West Virginia chicks aren’t so bad, though. You just have to be a little more selective.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:34 PM
Also, I’m pretty sure that playing paintball with strippers will lead you down a path you may not be prepared to travel (fun though it might be in the moment).