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Hansbrough, I Hate Your Stupid Face
By Chris Mottram | March 28, 2008
That’s it, I simply cannot look at Tyler Hansbrough anymore. His stupid fucking face makes me want to cut myself. And I’m not just being superficial (which isn’t to say I’m not generally superficial, because ugly people are gross. ew.). There are plenty of unattractive dudes playing basketball, all of which I have no problem looking at, but this guy’s “duh” face is insufferable:
And, dude, blink. Fucking blink. Just once, for me.
Or smile. Can you smile? Or show any emotion other than “intense”?
Although I’m fairly certain you aren’t even “intense” (see also: confused). This is just what your stupid fucking face looks like all the time, isn’t it? This is how you sat through all of Dumb and Dumber. And how you looked through the entire, joyless process of getting laid that one time.
And while we’re here, stop attempting to do any physical movement that isn’t one of your goofy, flailing, somehow-ball-goes-in-hoop power moves in the low post. This type of shit is totally canceling out all the hard work Justin Timberlake’s done to prove white people aren’t as goofy as all other races think we are:
Now go win me my office pool, you weird, dense, stone-faced fuck.
Topics: Anger!, Douchebags, College Hoops |
4 Responses to “Hansbrough, I Hate Your Stupid Face”
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March 28th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
so i guess this means that the hansbrough backlash is now on? fair enough - even as a heels fan, there’s only so long you can be overexposed before hatred emerges. let’s just get this man a title, and then we can all go back to our regular lives. tar… heeeeeels…
March 28th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
This might have something to do with Chris living in Charlotte, where I think everyone’s gone ga ga over Hansbrough.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
This might have something to do with Chris knowing full well that Hansbrough would punt his silly ass to the moon if he catches him at any Chik-Fil-A, Biscuitville or Bojangles in the next 24-72 hours.
March 30th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Wow.
I mean…that’s pretty strong stuff. I recall feeling about the same towards Saint Shane Battier. Still…wow.