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Odalis Perez and the Spiraling Sadness
By Jamie Mottram | March 26, 2008
If you’d told me four years ago that there’d be a baseball team and a new ballpark here in D.C., I would’ve been a happy son of a bitch.
But.
That team is the Expos Nationals, and Nats Park opens Sunday night with Odalis Perez on the mound. Yeah, Odalis Perez, the guy who was without a team five weeks ago. The guy who posted a 5.57 ERA in Kansas City last season, and a 6.20 the year before that. The guy who most Nats fans couldn’t pick out of a lineup, even after seeing his happy-to-be-here team picture. And not only is he the Opening Day starter, he’s throwing the first pitch ever in the new stadium, high honors indeed for a guy who could hardly be less deserving.
But.
The rest of the Nats’ starters actually are less deserving. John Patterson is gone and Shawn Hill is hurt, so Washington is left with Jason Bergmann, Tim Redding, Matt Chico and John Lannan (otherwise known as a shot to the gut, kick in the jimmy and two rabbit punches to the onions). They all pitched decently at some point last year — when the team posted a 5.10 ERA outside of cavernous RFK — but none has ever matched Perez’ success, however modest and long ago that may have been.
But.
It could be worse. The Nats, even with a 75-win ceiling in ‘08, haven’t been losing that long. They could be the Orioles, severe losers since ‘98. Or we could be Montrealers, with no team at all. So we root for Odalis to take the ball “with attitude” and help mind the gap until Stan’s Plan comes together. Because, really, we’re just happy to be here. At least for a little while.
Topics: Infinite Sadness, One Word Paragraphs, Nationals |
8 Responses to “Odalis Perez and the Spiraling Sadness”
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March 26th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Did you just call our mom a bitch?
March 26th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Fun Fact: The Spiraling Sadness is Perez’s mystery pitch. It’s like Dice-K’s gyroball, but with ennui.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Um, not to pick apart your pity-party here, but aren’t you guys Orioles fans? And yeah, I know they suck even worse, but that means you have two professional baseball teams that you can watch and root for.
All we’ve got in NC - and the southeast for that matter - is a shitload of minor league baseball.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:32 am
You’re right, Will, though we could substitute “O’s” for “Nats” and “Jeremy Guthrie” for “Odalis Perez” and the spiraling sadness still applies, so let the pity party rage against the dying of the light.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Spiraling Sadness Mad Libs? That would be priceless.
And please note I’m not condemning the duel fanhood at all; I think everyone should root for the Nats. a)We need them to succeed to prove again, that Bud Selig is a moron and b) because this is Amerrrrrica.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Go Charlotte Knights!
Note: The “Charlotte” Knights actually play in South Carolina.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:18 am
I’m going to pick up my Greensboro Grasshopper season tickets this afternoon. What a mascot.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Speaking of southern minor league baseball mascots, you should go see the Sandgnats, just four hours south of Queen City.