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Break Out the Kool-Aid, It’s Redskins Season Preview Time
By Chris Mottram | September 7, 2007
Five wins last season really sucked. A lot. It was miserable for Redskins fans, but the new season brings new hope, and ‘Skins fans always have plenty of that. With kickoff just 48 hours away, I implored three of the best D.C.-area bloggers to participate in a little electronic roundtable to discuss our hopes and dreams for the new season. The three mad geniuses:
- Unsilent Majority aka The Maj. You might know him from such blogs as Kissing Suzy Kolber and Deadspin’s weekend shift. And if you have a blog, he probably comments on it.
- Skin Patrol From Hogs Haven. The absolute gold standard in Redskins blogging.
- Dan Steinberg aka Agent Steinz. Author of the D.C. Sports Bog and co-host of Blog Show.
Without further ado, let’s get right down to business … after the jump.
The ‘Skins actually looked like they cared during the preseason and appeared strong. Is this a good sign, or more false hope?
MAJ: The preseason has me all jacked up. I don’t give a shit if Portis didn’t take a snap, we know what we have at that position … Jason Campbell is one of the sexiest creatures on this planet (in a totally non-sexual way).
HOGS: Who knows? We were 4-1 in the 2002 preseason. That team won 7 regular season games. What I take from this preseason that’s a good thing is that our high paid free agent signings don’t appear to have already lost their job. Our rookies have played well. The defensive play calling has included *gasp* blitzes. And I really felt that Casey Rabach’s ballsack looked great out there.
STEINBERG: Less optimistic than Hogs. The buzz from media out at training camp was that, for all the talk of toughening up, it was still pretty tame and lackadaisical looking. But not being embarrassed in the preseason can’t be a bad thing.
Speaking of Rabach’s sack, I have no way of confirming this, but I bet Capt. Chaos has bigger balls than Casey. What say you?
HOGS: Brandon Lloyd would know.
MAJ: Bigger? Doubt it. Harrier? Quite possibly.
/gags
STEINBERG: [Refuses to answer because latent homoeroticism weirds him out]
What’s going to happen to Jeremy Shockey or Plaxico Burress the first time they try to catch a ball between the hash marks (aka The Graveyard) against Area 51?
HOGS: They will not be able to catch the ball as LaRon Landry hits the shit out of them, separating their body from necessary fluids and vital essences. Later, Burress and Shockey will blame Tom Coughlin for football not being fun anymore.
MAJ: Shockey: Concussion. Plax: Dislocated torso
HOGS: LaRon Landry’s middle initial is B, and it stands for Bigdick.
STEINBERG: Did you see that quote I got from Fred Smoot when I asked him to compare getting hit by 21 with getting hit by 30?:
“That’s just like asking yourself if you were to get shot, would you rather get shot with a .45 bullet or a nine millimeter,” Smoot said. “Then you ask yourself, ‘Does it really matter?’ Both of ‘em are gonna hurt.”
Do you buy into Gregg Williams’ notion that the ‘Skins improved secondary will help create a better pass rush and more sacks, or does our front four still suck?
MAJ: The front four isn’t great but Williams has a (gulp) valid point. Last year the defense had to protect the weak secondary. Now that we’ve got two competent safeties and three good corners it will allow them to be far more aggressive. Oh and Warrick Holdman won’t be involved, so that’s a clear upgrade.
HOGS: I’ll buy into it if he blitzes. The last thing I want to see is us dropping 7 back every down only to watch the secondary get torched because the opposing quarterback has time for a shit, shave, and a shower before he throws it deep.
STEINBERG: The front four still sucks.
How many wins will it take for Gibbs to come back next season?
MAJ: Eight
HOGS: Maj says 8, I’m going to be delusional and say 0 will do it. If Coach keeps telling me that he has plans to honor his contract, I’m going to take him at his word. I love Coach Gibbs.
STEINBERG: “Coach?” Sucka. 8 sounds good, but I don’t like to copy, so I’ll say 9.
Has the Brunell-Gibbs-Jesus love affair clouded the Coach’s decision making, and what should be done with Brunell?
MAJ: It’s the love triangle that set the Redskins back three years. If they find a taker for Brunell I’d be in favor of picking up a draft pick, otherwise he can sit his ass on the bench.
(Note: There were other comments made in response to this question that I cannot post here. That’s how much ‘Skins fans appreciate Brunell.)
Portis is going to be just fine this season, right? Please tell me I’m right.
HOGS: Of course he’s going to be fine, I mean it’s just a knee injury and he’s a running back, do they really need knees?
STEINBERG: My gut feeling is that he will rip things up for about six games, and then suffer some kind of season-ending injury. It just seems to be the karma for all his insisting that he is not injury prone.
MAJ: Portis is going to be just fine this season.
With Campbell capable of throwing the ball more than 15 yards downfield, will we finally see production from B-Lloyd and Randel-El?
HOGS: I’ve reached the conclusion that [Lloyd’s] not very good and he has a problem catching the football. In 2006 he caught 41% of the passes thrown his way, 44% in 2005, 48% in 2004 and 47% in 2003. If there is a trend here, the trend is that he’s getting worse at catching footballs over time. Randle-El’s production will improve a lot going into 2007, if only because he’ll be the #2 wide receiver for longer.
MAJ: Both guys will be much better. I’m expecting four or five touchdowns from B-Lloyd after last year’s debacle.
STEINBERG: If by “production” you mean “good enough to stash as a No. 5 WR on a fantasy football roster.” Nah, I don’t think so. But I’ll betcha Cooley has an absolutely monster season.
What are your final predictions for the ‘Skins and the NFC East this season?
HOGS: 19-0
MAJ: I see the Skins tying for second place in the East with a 9-7 record. That ought to put them in the playoffs.
STEINBERG: Eagles 10-6, Cowboys 9-7, Redskins 8-8, Giants 7-9. Bold, bold statements, all.
Any great gameday stories you care to share?
HOGS: I was at the Redskins-Cowboys game in Dallas last year, and for the life of me I can’t remember what happened.
STEINBERG: They have a pretty incredible cheese plate in the media room. Easily the best cheese plate I’ve ever seen at a sporting event.
MAJ: FedEx Field can suck my balls. But yeah, I’ll still be there every other Sunday or so. The last game at RFK was fun, but if I had known what was coming I would have been quite depressed.
Editor’s Note: I thought I would include my personal predictions for this season. We have a relatively easy schedule (only play six teams that had a winning record last year), and our defense is significantly better. Plus, a full season of Campbell instead of Brunell is worth about three extra wins right there. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’m going to do it … the ‘Skins will go 11-5 this year and win the East.
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Topics: Agent Steinz, NFL, Redskins | 6 Comments »
September 7th, 2007 at 12:36 PM
The second “g” in Gregg Williams stands for “god he sucks moosedick.”
September 7th, 2007 at 3:01 PM
“We have a relatively easy schedule (only play six teams that had a winning record last year), and our defense is significantly better.”
When did you start drawing a paycheck from the team?
September 7th, 2007 at 3:07 PM
Right, I wish. All the money I don’t have goes to them, not vice versa.
For example, I just spent 100 bucks the other day on a new hot Campbell jerz. Worth every penny.
September 7th, 2007 at 3:26 PM
Can I be on next time as the token Skins hater?
September 7th, 2007 at 3:32 PM
Please, Scott, feel free to hate away right here in the comments.
September 7th, 2007 at 3:36 PM
“For example, I just spent 100 bucks the other day on a new hot Campbell jerz. Worth every penny.”
/overcome with jealousy