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NFL Predictions for All 32 Teams (Including the Best One)
By Jamie Mottram | September 4, 2007
First, Chris doesn’t have anything to do with this, so don’t sling your allegations of drug use at him. He doesn’t deserve it, and they’re probably not true. Second, AOL Sports and FanHouse are collaborating on a prediction piece whereby they rank each NFL division in order of finish one-through-four. (Update: See the results.)
So here are my Shanoff-style picks for general consumption and mass derision. Note that they’re based on a) my learnings from watching NFL games every autumn weekend since ‘86, b) the things Pro Football Prospectus taught me this summer and c) what my gut is telling me now, but mostly these are just based on my gut, which is formidable.
NFC East
1. Redskins — Campbell opens things up, defense is much-improved.
2. Eagles — Injury/depth concerns galore, but they’ll be fine (yet again).
3. Cowboys — Much offensive weaponry, but Romo and the D are just OK.
4. Giants — Tiki’s retirement + Strahan’s limbo act + Eli = trainwreck.
NFC North
1. Packers — Better than perceived (esp. on D), Favre’s last stand blah blah.
2. Bears — Grossman’s retarded development and TJ’s departure will hurt.
3. Vikings — Just put the ball in Peterson’s gut for chrissake.
4. Lions — Sucking forever.
NFC South
1. Panthers — Rebound year on offense, and the D is alright.
2. Saints — It’s hard to accept, but they’re for real.
3. Buccaneers — Worst. Third-place team. Ever.
4. Falcons — If Vick isn’t a good QB, why does losing him hurt so much?
NFC West
1. 49ers — Whoot whoot!
2. Seahawks — More old than good.
3. Rams — So average it hurts.
4. Cardinals — Sucking forever.
Wild Cards — Eagles and Saints, zero separation between them and the …
NFC Champion — Redskins
AFC East
1. Patriots — I’m going with Peter King on this one!
2. Bills — JP, Marshawn and Lee > Jim, Thurman and Andre (not really).
3. Jets — Decent but won’t repeat 10-win performance.
4. Dolphins — Wait, they won six last year? That seems high.
AFC North
1. Steelers — No weaknesses, fixing to a rebound.
2. Bengals — It’s bizarre that Cincy hasn’t been a loser since ‘02.
3. Ravens — If they go 13-3 again, I’m buying a Dawan Landry jersey.
4. Browns — Sucking forever.
AFC South
1. Jaguars — Whoot whoot!
2. Colts — The defense isn’t good, they’re thinner at RB and I’m reaching.
3. Texans — Sucking forever It can’t rain all the time, said the Schaub.
4. Titans — Not having Pacman Jones (or any RBs or WRs) hurts real bad.
AFC West
1. Chargers — LT, Merriman, McNeill, Gates, etc.
2. Broncos — Always good not great, especially as Cutler develops.
3. Chiefs — If they don’t suck, Chris’ll blog about Mrs. Croyle until they do.
4. Raiders — Sucking forever.
Wild Cards — Colts and Broncos, meaning the AFC is still > the NFC.
AFC Champion — Chargers
Super Bowl Champion — Chargers, in a triumph of talent over coaching.
3 Responses to “NFL Predictions for All 32 Teams (Including the Best One)”
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September 4th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Remember, the best Ravens jerseys are in Modell’s in Arundel Mills.
September 4th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Forget Kelli Croyle…here’s a vote for more coverage of October Gonzalez. I’d be OK if Mr. Irrelevant devoted the entire month to her.
September 5th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
I wont say anything bad about the Skins, cause I can’t, but your AFC South predicitions are doo doo, and clearly were made or influneced while on some sort of drug fueled blogger expedition.