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That Fitted Is Hot, Son: For Yo Girl Edition
By Chris Mottram | August 24, 2007
I know your girl always be talkin’ about how you spend all the loot you make busing tables at Friday’s on fitteds. Well, why not continue to spend your cash on fitteds by buying one for her? Now you’ve not only fed your irrepressible urge to buy offensively ugly hats, but also made her shut up for at least 12-24 hours by giving her a gift she didn’t want. Problem solved; thank me later.
Like, here’s what I’m talkin’ about. I know we’ve all had this happen: Grandma tries to be nice by buyin’ you a gangster ass 50-piece jigsaw puzzle of the Blue Ridge Mountains, or some shit. Little does that old bitch know, the mountains is blue AND the sky is blue too. Confusing, son. But then your girl figured it out, cause she’s stupid smart. Show her your appreciation for crackin’ that crazy riddle with this fitted, which features “exclusive puzzle pieces”:
Remember how you been promising to take your girl into the city ever since her 16th birthday last month? Well, let’s be real; that shit ain’t never gonna happen, but you can give her, like, the 18th best thing: A 59/50 with the skyline on it! Plus, the sky is purple, just like that time your boy Big T sold you Catnip sprayed with Raid and told you it was boat. Calling the cops on yourself was not tight, son, but this fitted is:
Finally, there’s a fitted for when your girl wants to be steppin’ out in style. Like when you go to Pizza Hut for that lunch buffet joint, or the time the bagel bakery was giving out day olds for free and you made a romantic curb-side picnic. This fitted says, “I love animals, but damn, I love fur on my fitted even mo’.” Your chickenhead girl should be used to wearin’ a lil’ bit of feathers anyway:
Now go cop these thangs for your girl, but remember, keep them receipts. When she dumps you in two weeks for Big T, snatch them hats back and return them shits so you can treat yourself and get something extra tight.
Bonus Goods: Your boy was supposed to present the fitted of the week on Blog Show tomorrow. Your boy even took mad time out his busy schedule to record a clip for Blog Show. Your boy was gonna make that show funnier and more interesting. But your boy’s clip was cut because someone (I won’t name names) wants to keep that show as white as possible. So here it is (pleased to be keeping in mind that if it had made it to TV, a photo of the fitted of the week would’ve been shown, hence allowing it to make more sense, and yes, that’s a Doug Williams Grambing State throwback).
Previously on That Fitted Is Hot, Son: Inaugural Edition | C-Notes Edition | Kaleidoscope of Gangsta Edition | Take Me to Another Place
Topics: Hot Fitteds, High Fashion |
17 Responses to “That Fitted Is Hot, Son: For Yo Girl Edition”
Comments
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August 24th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I can’t believe you didn’t lead with the fur hat. That’s my favorite fitted yet. Although I am glad you finally got some use out of that Grambling jersey.
August 24th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
I can’t lead with the hottest joint. Gots to leave them on a high note.
And the Williams Grambling must be treated with care. Shit is all white, son, like Blog Show.
August 24th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Here’s an article (via Uniwatch) about people in NY trying to get “gang colored hats” off the shelves.
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/newyork/am-yanks0824,0,879606.story?coll=ny_home_rail_headlines
August 24th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Second one: “Everybody here is equally kind.”
That last one looks like Han Solo was wearing a fitted on Hoth. So please explain why it’s labeled as a women’s hat.
August 24th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
No wonder Littles hasn’t asked me to take over the fledgling show.
August 24th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
This feature is the best
August 24th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
err…No Comment
August 24th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Wow, so they gone and done it. Zubaz for your head. Shee-ut.
August 24th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
To Ty’s comment, I actually have a Zubaz Redskins hat, ‘91 NFC Championship edition. Finding it, however, is another matter altogether.
August 24th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
jamie, i had that hat as well. i think it might have been the official sideline hat at some point
/no comment
August 24th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Like, here’s what I’m talkin’ about. I know we’ve all had this happen: Grandma tries to be nice by buyin’ you a gangster ass 50-piece jigsaw puzzle of the Blue Ridge Mountains, or some shit. Little does that old bitch know, the mountains is blue AND the sky is blue too. Confusing, son. But then your girl figured it out, cause she’s stupid smart.
Try putting together Lego when ya granmama don’t realize that she went and got you the wrong Bionicle. How I am supposed to follow the Hahli blueprints when I’m working wit a Barraki set. Damn.
August 24th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
E: That is without a doubt the most obscure reference ever made in a Mr. Irrelevant comment section. Bravo, sir.
August 24th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
If I were to rank old-school sports hats, I’d probably go:
1) Anything Zubaz.
2) Logo Athletic hats that had the “shark tooth” look to them.
3) Those wicked ugly hats that had the crazy drawstrings sticking out the back. These were huge when the Rockies and Marlins first came into the league.
August 24th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I got my wifey that fur jawn (cept ‘Da Phillies version) but dat bitch lookt like King Leonidas and shit, talkin ’bout “Eat Hearrrty.” So I told her to shave her beard off.
E’erythings been cool since then.
August 24th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Puttin that bitch on blast in the comments section. Damn, son. Unforgivable.
September 5th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Daaaaamn…the sportsbiotch hates the yankees but would definitely look fly in that fur fitted…
September 5th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Oh, hells yeah, girl. You gots to cop that thang, no doubt.