If a professional athlete is about to implode on himself like a dying star, you better believe a Harrington will be in the wings, waiting to reap the benefits.*
We are all well aware by now that because Mike Vick hearts electrocuting dogs (and now he won’t even be allowed to attend camp), that Joey Harrington is in-line to be the Falcons starting QB this season. The man has been nothing short of a total bust — highlighted by a 68 passer rating last season — yet he has managed to luck his way into yet another starting role. He’s like Vincent Chase’s brother, except he’s not on a T.V. show that sucks so much, yet is so inexplicably popular.
Then there’s Joey’s second cousin, who happens to be Padriag Harrington. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Padriag deserved to win the British and all, but if Sergio didn’t have to wait 15 minutes to hit his second shot on 18, and had more “good breaks,” and hadn’t brought his Lightdays even though he was experiencing heavy flow on the back nine, then Paddy totally wouldn’t of had a chance.
Oh, but wait, there’s yet another Harrington: Joey’s other cousin pro poker player Dan Harrington. Dan’s only won $4.8 million playing in tournaments, not to mention the unknown amount he’s won in cash games.
So yeah, those Harringtons are a pretty lucky bunch of Irishmen. Am I jealous? Of course not. I mean, just the other day I found 10 bucks on the floor in the mall (true story!), so I have that going for me.
*Granted, I’m not sure what benefits one would actually reap from supernovae, but you know what I’m trying to say, dick.