I was pretty excited to watch both the Nats and O’s possibly clinch their respective division championships last night. What ended up happening, though, is I fell asleep on the couch after putting the kids to bed, and woke up well past the Nats party and just as the O’s party was getting started.
Thankfully, my brother Chris only has one kid, not three, so he was able to stay up and take pictures of his TV. Fun!
Devin Thomas — Debuted the blond mohawk, caught first career TD.
Albert Haynesworth — ESPN showed a graphic to Chris’ point, that Haynesworth makes teammates better. Bonus: Got a sack of his own.
London Fletcher — Got all kinds of ESPN love and even puked on camera:
Shaun Suisham — Nailed a 47-yarder, is perfect on the season.
Brian Mitchell — Added to the Redskins Ring of Fame, giving him an excuse to wear a ridiculous suit.
Vinny Cerrato — DeSean Jackson, who was also selected in the second round of last year’s draft, made more of an impact in this game than Devin Thomas, Fred Davis and Malcolm Kelly have made in their entire careers.
WINNERS: Dave Neal — For destroying Nolan Smith with that screen and then draining a three. It was a fantastic moment in a heated late-season ACC rivalry game, and the crowd noise alone lets you know what time it is.
Landon Milbourne — Nineteen points overall and a huge block to end the first half after not showing up at all against UNC.
Gary Williams — Since the Post gave him the Richard Nixon treatment two weeks ago, they’ve beaten Va. Tech, lost at Clemson, beaten UNC and pushed Duke to the wire. Nobody puts Gary in a corner!
Eric Hayes and Adrian Bowie — On a night when Greivis Vasquez was in foul trouble, they provided backcourt scoring with 22 points on 11 shots.
Jay Bilas — He’s a Blue Devil and an ESPN guy, sure, but he offers informed, no-nonsense analysis.
Gerald Henderson — By far and away Duke’s best player, even if Kyle Singler seems to get more pub. And that in-traffic dunk was insane.
LOSERS: Defensive rebounding — Aside from Brian Zoubek, who is a stiff, Duke isn’t a big team, yet they kept coming up with offensive boards of the loose-ball variety.
Mike Patrick — Because his voice makes me shudder.
MEDIUM: Greivis Vasquez — Played a solid first half (eight points, four assists, four rebounds), including a circus-shot leaner, but picked up his fourth foul early and his fifth shortly after returning late.
Heather Cox — A winner for reporting the crank calls story. A loser for failing to mention Greg Paulus’ hankering for nuts.
WINNERS: DeAngelo Hall — Picked off a 3rd-and-3 pass in Washington territory in his first game as a Redskin. It was a terrible throw, and I wish it wasn’t, because LaRon Landry would’ve ended TO’s career otherwise.
Clinton Portis — Was 50/50 all week, then came out out on the opening drive and ran it right down the field, going over 1,000 yards on the season.
Chris Cooley — Ninth-straight game with four catches or more.
Mike Sellers — Fan favorite and team leader tasted paydirt for once.
Carlos Rogers — Whacked TO on a slant, causing a deflection-turned-INT.
My local networks — For not broadcasting in HD. Fuckers.
NBC — For pumping us up with Faith Hill. “The NFL rocks on NBC,” indeed.
Punt coverage — Somehow managed to turn a dead ball at the 1 into a touchback. Of course, the touchback turned into a touchdown.
The Dirtbags — Couldn’t pass or run block for most of the game.
Shaun Suisham — Came up short on a 46-yarder. That’s not good.
Santana Moss — Came in averaging 106.7 yards/game vs. Dallas, but dropped a deep ball near Dallas’ goal line that was right on his hands.
MEDIUM: Jason Campbell — Didn’t have much time to throw and got picked off in Dallas territory on a 3rd-and-2, but also ran for 22 on a 3rd-and-8, which ended with Cowboys safety Pat Watkins on his ass:
Jim Zorn — Went for it on 4th-and-1 at the 11 on the opening drive. Got the first down, then the TD. Went for it on 4th-and-4 in the 4th. Not so much.
Devin Thomas — Caught a first down! Dropped a would-be first in the 4th.
Fred Smoot — Made a nice stick on Marion Barber and upended TO early, but whiffed on a Roy E. Williams screen.
Rock Cartwright — F’ed up on downing the aforementioned punt, broke the ensuing kickoff 58 yards and then fumbled a later kickoff out-of-bounds.
Chris Horton — Madden called him a Polamalu “kinda guy” after a stop on a TO double-reverse, and Michaels called him a “great-looking rookie” after tackling Tashard Choice, but he got burnt on Martellus Bennett’s TD.
Madden and Michaels — Didn’t mention Shawn Springs’ absence until the 2nd quarter, though Michaels did describe Jerry Jones and Daniel Snyder as “a couple of nervous cats.”
The Day the Earth Stood Still — Don Draper! Coach Taylor! Keanu?
NEXT: Washington at Seattle Sunday 11/23, 4:15 p.m. ET
WINNERS: Santana Moss — The Skins’ big-play man came up huge with a long TD catch and an unbelievable punt return for a touchdown (video), despite being called “Santonio” three different times during the broadcast.
Shaun Alexander — Seems to have supplanted Rock as the No. 2 back.
Clinton Portis — The MVP campaign continues with 126 yards on 5.3 yards per, the lion’s share of which came after facing the wrath of Zorn:
Mike Green — Mr. Irrelevant 2000 started for Horton and made a backfield stop on Detroit’s opening drive.
London Fletcher — His tackle to seal the deal (video) was a beaut.
Hip-Hip Hooray — Fans maintain the movement in Detroit (photo).
Greg Blache — The defense was top-10 three of the past four years under Gregg Williams, and, for the first half of this year, it’s top-10 under Blache.
Shaun Suisham — Coming in, the Skins were 7th in yards but only 20th in points. Today was more of the same as they scored just one touchdown yet attempted five field goals. Suisham made four, only missing from 50.
Shaun Cody — Not a Redskin, but that’s great hair (photo).
Chris — For finally finding the Skins bar in Charlotte and randomly sitting next to the FedEx Field announcer who says, “First down, Wwwashingtonnn!”
Me — For going to the beach, DVRing the game and viewing before spoiling.
LOSERS: Detroit fans — The black-out rule is actually doing them a favor.
Injured Skins — Samuels, Horton, Griffin and Springs were all on the shelf, which is fine against Detroit, but not so much against Pittsburgh. Get well soon, guys.
Stephon Heyer — Filled in for Samuels at LT, false started on a 3rd-and-five and got beat for at least one sack (they gave up three).
Leigh Torrence — Called for pass interference on a third-and-long. Plus, I’m still bitter about St. Louis.
STAYING MEDIUM: Jim Zorn — On one hand, they won and racked up 439 yards in doing so. On the other, the third-down play calling was suspect and they went for two up 12 with 11:30 left. And it’s that last part that kills me. We’ve been over this before, but, unless you go for two all the time, you don’t go for it there. Case in point, Detroit ended up with the ball and two minutes left, down by just eight rather than nine. Inexcusable.
Carlos Rogers — Held it down once again, this time keeping Calvin Johnson in check. Also had yet another fucking dropped interception.
Chris Cooley — Continues evolving into the total package while also catching more passes than ever, though he did drop what would’ve been a first down, stalling the first drive of the second half.
LaRon Landry — Stripped Calvin Johnson of the ball early, but got called for a block in the back on a PR late.
Jason Campbell — He fumbled twice, and that sucked. Beyond that he a) didn’t throw an interception b) only had five incompletions on a 300-yard day; two of which were barely out-of-bounds catches by Moss and one of which was Cooley’s drop c) made all the throws in a two-minute drill that resulted in a FG and d) evaded the rush before throwing downfield completions multiple times, most notably the beautiful touchdown to Moss.
Brian Billick, Thom Brennaman and Charissa Thompson — This is the best Fox team I’ve heard all year, but Billick kept screwing it up by using the term “emotional control” and referring to Santana as “Santonio” over and over. To Billick’s credit, he provides valuable insight that others don’t. To Billick’s discredit, he seems to think Alexander is still an elite back.
NEXT: Pittsburgh at Washington Monday 11/3, 8:30 p.m. ET
Daps and pounds just don’t mix, especially when you’re a white man aged 50-plus. Unless, of course, you’re beating Dallas. Then anything goes.
Programming note: Winners & Losers to come, pending Redskins victory.
Update: That. Just. Happened. Skins win 26-24, in what was a far more dominating performance than the score would indicate. Pretty good considering the Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl and the Skins are the worst team in the NFC East, eh? Much more to come with Jamie’s Winners & Losers post tomorrow morning. He’s occupied the rest of the night. Something about a wife and baby. ~ Chris