Category Archives: Orioles

Cal Gets Emo, Performs Magic

At the risk of being blasphemous, I wasn’t a big fan of Cal’s induction speech yesterday. It was just a little too preachy for my taste. I could’ve gone for a little more about his career, and a little less about the importance of helping kids develop. I don’t care about kids, I care about Cal.

Because I am human and have half a heart, I did enjoy the bit about his family, probably because the Iron Man’s armor cracked a little and he showed some real emotion (although he maintained his composure a bit better than this lunatic). He also pulls off a super cool cheesy rose transfer maneuver.

This is the only video I could find of said portion of the speech, although the bit about his father is cut off (and I apologize for the 20-second ad at the beginning):


Photographic Evidence That the Orioles Used to Be Really Good


These six HOFer are the primary reason why the O’s had only three losing seasons and played in six World Series between 1960 and ’85. Total studs, each and every one. Too bad I didn’t consciously follow the team until ’86, because from then till now Baltimore has only had five winning seasons and never made it to the Series.

We may not post about Earl Weaver again until the day he dies — and the 76 year-old looks like a million bucks — so this is an opportunity to link to Earl going off on Manager’s Corner and expertly working over an ump. Both YouTubes are highly recommended.

Note: Photo courtesy of Jonathon Newton at the Washington Post. It originally ran alongside this morning’s Thomas Boswell column, which was even sappier than my Ripken post from yesterday.

Cal to the Hall, Iron Man to the Rescue

cal-and-cal-senior.jpgCal Ripken’s finest moment came on the heels of his sport’s worst, as the victory lap of 2,131 “saved baseball” from the canceled World Series of 1994. Today, he enters Cooperstown, and, however briefly, delivers us from the muck and the mire of a week of dog fighting, referee scandal and 755 falling in shame.

There’s no doubting he’ll rise to the occasion, he always does, to share a positive and memorable message before a devoted crowd and adoring nation. It helps that he’s joined by Tony Gwynn, a fellow class act, easy HOFer and one-team baller.

I’ll let San Diego speak for Gwynn, but the B’more-DC area is forever thankful for Cal, and it’s good to see him on the grand stage once again, especially during a time of need. The legend grows, as it should.

Commissioner Cal Ripken, Jr.

I must say, it does have a ring to it. I wish I could claim that the idea of Cal replacing Bud as commish was my own, but it comes from a brain far more advanced than mine. Ozzie Guillen laid this bit of brilliance on us a couple days ago:


“He knows the rules of the game.” That’s great, but so do I. I think there are more qualifications involved in being commissioner, although I have no idea what they are. Therefore, sure, Cal would be great, but if he’s going to be involved in MLB again, I’d much rather have him doing something (anything!) with the O’s. At the very least, I know he cares about bringing them back from the depths of shittiness, unlike Angelos.

Photo Essay: Camden Yards Salutes Cal

The men of Mottram made it to Camden Tuesday night as Charm City said, “Way to go for making the Hall of Fame and stuff” to the baller still looming large over their once-proud franchise: Calvin Edwin Ripken Jr.

We hadn’t been to an O’s game yet this year, but they were giving away Cal 2131 bobbleheads so we had no choice but to make like Baltimorons and get our ass to the Yard. Thankfully, Daniel Cabrera threw seven scoreless and the Birds beat Tampa Bay.

Pretty pictures from the evening that was …


Just so you know what time it is as you exit off of I-95.

Continue reading Photo Essay: Camden Yards Salutes Cal

Much Like Canada Itself, Erik Bedard Is an Unstoppable Rebel Force

If I met some sort of effed up, crackhead genie who was only capable of granting me the wish to be any famous Canadian, I’d want to be J.E. Skeets. But if because said genie was an effing crackhead and wasn’t capable of giving me my first choice, I’d have to go with Emmanuelle Chriqui so that I could see myself naked. But alas, if that didn’t work out either — what with the whole sex change and all — then my first choice would definitely be O’s pitcher Erik Bedard.

Bedard the Crazy Retard (Note: This is not meant to insult the mentally handicapped, Erik Bedard, nor Mike Golic, it’s just that we can’t think of anything else that rhymes with “Bedard”) is quite possibly the best pitcher in the American League right now.

Sure, he only has 10 wins (I use “only” loosely, seeing as 10 wins is good), but if you’re the kind of person who basis a pitcher’s worth on their number of wins, then I’d have to assume you’re the kind of person who watches a lot of “1st and 10” on ESPN and participates in discourse with your friends over “who’s most now” (what I’m trying to say is that you’re not smart, see, not sure if I made that clear).

Bedard leads the league in K’s with 175, 31 more than Santana, and could reach the 300 strikeout mark this year. He also has a 1.08 WHIP, a 3.12 ERA, and a community college education. In his last four starts, he’s allowed two runs while striking out 36 batters over 29 innings. On the season, he has eight quality starts with either a no decision or a loss. That shows you how valuable wins is as a statistic.

Not that any of this matters, or anyone cares about Bedard, because we are, afterall, talking about the Orioles here. They haven’t been relevant in a decade, thus making them “irrelevant.” Get it, get it?! I apologize.