Category Archives: Dmitri Young

1992 and 1993 Upper Deck Dmitri Young

The other day I posted Livan Hernandez’ rookie card to honor his place as the Nats’ all-time wins leader. Well, guess who the Nats’ all-time batting leader is with a .310 average? That’s right, it’s Da Meathook.

Here’s Dmitri as a young man (via cardboard), and there’s so much to love. First, how impossibly young he is. Second, that he played third base and was expected to be “a Terry Pendleton-type.” Third, that he “hit .564 in high school — and that was as a seventh grader.” Fourth, that he carried a book titled “Dmitri’s Approach to Hitting .300” in his back pocket. I could go on.

Continue reading 1992 and 1993 Upper Deck Dmitri Young

Reintroducing Da Meathook All-Stars

This was originally published on July 4, 2007, but, along with all of the content from Mr. Irrelevant’s first three years, it was lost when AOL Journals folded. Here it is again, because a) I like it and b) I’ll be referencing it any day now …

The other day I stumped for O’s All-Stars and planned a similar post for the Nats. Dmitri Young was their only decent candidate, and, because every team gets at least one player in the game, Da Meathook made his second All-Star team on Sunday. The selection isn’t that glaring considering Young has been insanely hot, but what would’ve been funny is if the Nats had traded him to a contender in need of 1B/DH help. Under that circumstance, the NL would’ve had to include a guy like Jesus Colome (decent middle relief) or Chad Cordero (six blown saves) in the sport’s midseason showcase.

It’s for this type of player, the middling All-Star who league-wide fans couldn’t care less about, that I formulated Da Meathook All-Stars. These are guys who had no business being there if not for the one-player/team rule, and there’s also room for poor roster choices made by managers and overzealous fans. Really, it’s a way of honoring personal favorite Dmitri Dell Young with, like Reggie Cleveland before him, an All-Star team all his own.

Now, before getting started, let’s lay out a few ground rules:

1. This only encapsulates the 2000-’06 All-Star teams. Let’s call them the 21st Century Meathook All-Stars. Hopefully ’90s, ’80s, etc. editions are to follow. (Ed. note: They did not.)

2. I’m sure someone else has already done something like this far better than I. Just yesterday, for instance, FanHouse’s Matt Watson posted Robert Fick Rulers, which are token All-Stars (Young included) not deserving of a spot in this year’s game.

3. There’s no way in hell that this list is comprehensive. Help me out on the research tip by telling me where I messed up.

Without further adieu, allow me to introduce the inaugural class of Meathook All-Stars …

Continue reading Reintroducing Da Meathook All-Stars

DMV: Da Meathook Is Doin’ Yardwork

da-meathook-belly.jpgDMV is a daily roundup of District-Maryland-Virginia (mostly) sporting links.

Dmitri Young hits his first HR of 2009 as the Potomac Nationals beat Lastings Milledge’s Lynchburg Hillcats. Now all the big-league Nats need to do is trade Nick Johnson and Da Meathook will be back where he belongs. [Federal Baseball]

And just look at the size of that man’s belly. [@needham_chris]

President Obama pokes fun at the Nats. [Stet Sports Blog]

Strasburg hasn’t heard from the Nats since being drafted. [Nats Journal]

Nats Park isn’t getting the All-Star Game anytime soon. [Tracee Hamilton]

Adam Jones records the All-Star Game-winning RBI. [Roch Kubatko]

And I’m pretty sure this is actually Adam Jones on Twitter. [@AdamJones10]

Luke Scott is the O’s first-half MVP. [Camden Chat]

The Wiz talk to San Antonio big man Fabricio Oberto. [Wizards Insider]

Notes from the Wiz’ first summer league game. [D.C. Sports Bog]

More notes from the Wiz game; a win over Cleveland. [Bullets Forever]

ESPN profiles Jim Zorn, the “left-handed coach”. [Elizabeth Merrill]

Skins abound in the NFC East-specific trailer for Madden 10. [Redskins Blog]

Everything there is to know about the new, all-sports WJFK. [TWT]

Today: absolutely nothing

For more links, DMV-related or otherwise, follow me on Twitter. Chris too.

DMV: Dmitri Young Is the Real Roy Hobbs

da-meathook-natural.jpgDMV is a daily roundup of District-Maryland-Virginia (mostly) sporting links. 

Da Meathook, fit as a fiddle, homers in his first Spring Training action in a month. [WaPo]

Nats look like a slightly below-average team after all. [Thomas Boswell]

O’s supplant Nats as the longest of the World Series longshots. [D.C. Sports Bog]

Wily Mo, who we once had such high hopes for, gets let go. [Nats Journal]

The O’s rotation makes the Nats’ look like the ’90s Braves. [Peter Schmuck]

Do not want, Lastings: “I’m not an 80-to-100-walk guy. I’m going to be an aggressive leadoff hitter like [Cristian Guzman].” []

Double-do not want: Jay Cutler, now readily available. [Charles Robinson]

Stop with the April Fool’s jokes. Please. Not funny. At all. [Bullets Forever]

Seriously, stop. I’m starting to hate you. [Camden Chat]

Gilbert’s latest behind-the-coach’s-back, media-frustrating antics. [Outlet]

Formally introducing Michael Lee to the Post’s Wizards beat. [Wiz Insider]

Born Ready’s delayed announcement good for the Terps? [Testudo Times]

Caps are about to start a waiting list for season tickets. [WaPo]

For your own safety, do not chirp at Donald Brashear. [D.C. Sports Bog]

D.C. United’s rather excellent Fairfield Inn commercial. [Soccer Insider]

Tonight: Islanders at Caps (7 p.m.), Wiz at Grizzlies (8)

Portraits of Da Meathook as a Young Man

MLB Network aired the debut of “We Are Young: A Baseball Family” last night, and I watched it this afternoon while working. Actually, I didn’t really watch it so much as gaze at the screen whenever older brother Dmitri was talking. You can blame me for that if you like, but it’s a two-hour program, and I only have a 140-character attention span, so go easy.

Anyway, what I did see were family portraits of Da Meathook as a young man, many of which have been captured here for your pleasure. Enjoy, and stay tuned to the MLB Network schedule to catch the excellent documentary from whence they came.

dmitri-young-family.jpg Continue reading Portraits of Da Meathook as a Young Man

DMV: Dmitri Young Looks Fit

dmitri-girth.jpgDMV is a daily roundup of District-Maryland-Virginia (mostly) sporting links. 

We will never, ever tire of Da Meat Hook, or his grown man belly. [D.C. Sports Bog]

Elijah Dukes is not media-friendly. [D.C. Sports Bog]

Nats’ Dominican bonus baby is four years older than they thought. [Nats Journal]

The opening line on Nats wins is 68.5; 10.5 less than PECOTA’s. [Vegas Watch]

Baltimore’s set to ink Brian Roberts to four years at $40 million. [The Sun]

A frame-by-frame breakdown of Ovechkin’s wonderful goal. [Japers’ Rink]

For and against dealing Antawn at today’s deadline. [NBC D.C., FanHouse]

A takedown of the Post’s three-part series on Gary Williams. [B-ball State]

Video of Georgetown fans getting the business at Syracuse. [Troy Nunes … ]

Mason edges Drexel. JMU loses in OT at Hofstra. [Y! Sports, Y! Sports]

Tonight: We’ve combed the schedule, and we ain’t found shit.

Mr. I’s Top 10 D.C. Sports People of 2008

The past couple of years I’ve posted the Top 40 Sports Figures, but this year I was too lazy, so what we have here is the Top 10 D.C. Sports People, based on how much they were blogged about on Mr. Irrelevant in ’08.


10. Nick Young — I’m not sure what The City has done to warrant inclusion other than being the subject of two dunk campaigns, smelling Andray Blatche’s ass, rocking a mohawk and a fade and appearing on Blog Show. Somewhere, Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison hold each other, weep.

9. Alexander Ovechkin — Considering how little we write about the best team in town, it’s amazing he makes it here, and it’s thanks more to his online girlfriend and fancy sweatpants than his MVP (or whatever it’s called).

8. Elijah Dukes — One of the few bright spots on baseball’s worst team, he not only played well but also treated an ump like a bitch, mixed it up with Manager Acta, hit a sweet walk-off, played Tecmo Bowl, fucked with the Mets and beat medicine. Despite injury and perhaps because of the constant presence of a babysitter, it was a very good year. Dawg.

7. Sean Taylor — Died in ’07, cast a shadow over ’08 and inspired a tribute for all times, as well as this guy.

6. Dmitri Young — Like NY, he didn’t actually do anything this year, other than showing up at 291, painting his fingernails, carrying a briefcase, getting bobbleheaded, and inspiring the quote of the year:

“All of a sudden, he felt instant release,” [Jim] Bowden said. “She found the spot.”

5. Dan Snyder/Vinny Cerrato — /braces for another terrible offseason

4. Gilbert Arenas — Played in two games (this one being most notable) and hardly blogs anymore, but still sets the agenda for D.C. hoops and will continue doing so for the duration of his six-year, $111 million contract. Also, “me and my penis love Gilbert Arenas.” Also pt. 2, nice ink.

3. Chris Cooley — He was No. 4 on our list last year, but then he started a blog and it’s crazy how much things have changed. I mean, look at him now: up to No. 3. The work we did on Shutdown Corner is, for my money, the best athlete blogging ever. He also caught a career-high 83 passes for a career-high 849 yards and actually showed his penis on the Internet.

2. Jim Zorn — If you’d asked me a year ago what Jim Zorn does for a living, I’d have had no idea. Working the card show circuit, I may have guessed. Yet here he is, head coach of THE team in D.C.  and originator of so many memes: “Maroon & Black”, “Stay Medium”, “Hip Hip Hooray” and “Zorn Star” among them. All of which we slapped onto t-shirts, btw.

1. Clinton Portis — He debuted new characters, battled with Brian Mitchell, insulted his head coach, modeled for us and strengthened his standing as one of the best RBs ever. He was No. 1 last year, is No. 1 this year and will remain No. 1 so long as he’s leading the Sons of Washington.

Honorable mentions: Ryan Zimmerman, Art Monk, Lastings Milledge, Caron Butler, Fred Smoot, Jason Campbell, JaVale McGee, Dan Steinberg

Apologies to: D.C. United, every single college team in the area

Johnson Hurt, Abnormally Large Door Swings Open For Meat Hook’s Return

It seems just cruel and unusual for a team that isn’t very good to begin with to have this many injuries. From Dukes, to Chief, to Dmitri, to Lo Duca (go fuck yourself), to Hill. Now, the latest to hit the D.L. is Nick Johnson, who is expected to miss 4-6 weeks, according to Chico, the new guy over at Nats Journal:

Nationals are putting their first baseman on the 15-day DL. An MRI this morning revealed a tear of the tendon sheath in his right wrist. The injury problems for Johnson continue. Dmitri Young will rejoin the club tomorrow to take his place.

First three sentences are sad (and WTF is a “tendon sheath”?). But the fourth sentence is glorious! Da Meat Hook back in the starting line-up, and they didn’t even have to throw him out in left field, as I so cleverly suggested earlier in the season. Plus, this helps to reunite the fattest infield in baseball.