Category Archives: Dallas Sucks

Dallas Sucks, Redskins, Winners & Losers

Redskins-Cowboys Winners & Losers

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Handing out labels following Skins games. This time a 27-23 home loss to Dallas …

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Winners

Josh Norman — His office remained mostly stationary, set up on the left side of the field. He did shut Dez Bryant down whenever they were matched up, though, and punched a fumble out of Ezekiel Elliott’s breadbasket. As good as advertised so far.

Trent Murphy — One-and-a-half sacks and a forced fumble! Trent Murphy sighting!

Chris Thompson — This blitz pickup, on a third-and-seven, is a thing of beauty. Nice catch-and-run for 38 on the final drive.

Jamison Crowder — That was a hell of a TD catch. Also caught six balls on eight targets.

Jordan Reed and Vernon Davis — Ten catches and 121 yards on 12 targets for the duo.

Dustin Hopkins — Two shorts FGs and plenty of touchbacks. Did not leave a surprise onside kick well short of the 10-yard mark.

Alfred Morris — Scored an untouched go-ahead TD in his triumphant return. Wish we could cheer for him still.

Losers

Kirk Cousins — The missed connection with a wide-open Crowder and the back-breaking end-zone INT were bad enough. But it was the little things, too. He’s not good right now, and the Redskins are bad when he’s not good.

Those calling for Colt McCoy — Start Cousins until he’s hurt.

The defense — Dallas shouldn’t score 27 points when they don’t have Tony Romo. Chalk it up to adjustment issues? Maybe, but also to Norman and Ryan Kerrigan being surrounded by replacement-level talent.

Jay Gruden and Sean McVay — Fifty planned passes versus 15 planned runs in a game that was tight throughout. They were getting 4.1 yards per carry, too. The bloom is coming off of a lot of roses.

Bashaud Breeland — Had trouble with Dez and tackled Cole Beasley for pass interference on the goal line. Tough season for 26.

Kory Lichtensteiger — The much-maligned center somehow messed up the snap on a spike play, forcing a 10-second runoff with 18 to play. You don’t see that much.

David Bruton Jr. — Doesn’t tackle too good.

John Wall — C’mon, man.

Medium

Matt Jones — Thirteen carries for 61 yards and a badly needed TD. Doesn’t seem capable of breaking tackles or getting extra yards.

DeSean Jackson — Three catches for 40 yards. He’d be a monster right now if Cousins was cooking.

Josh Doctson — Caught and ran one for 57 when the whole defense was keyed in on DeSean. Was also targeted on three end-zone fades, none of which were caught.

Dallas Sucks, Redskins, Winners & Losers

Redskins-Cowboys Winners & Losers

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Handing out labels following Skins games, this time a 34-23 win at Dallas.

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Winners

Kirk Cousins — Threw three TDs in the first quarter to cap off a dream season, breaking Jay Schroeder’s 29-year-old single-season passing record in the process.

Colt McCoy — Relieved Cousins for his first action in 2015, showed that he’s still a quality backup.

Alfred Morris — First 100-yard game since Week 1.

Jamison Crowder — Five catches for 107 yards and a TD. Finishes with 59 catches in his rookie season, breaking Art Monk’s 35-year-old mark. Not bad for a fourth-rounder.

Will Blackmon — Created two turnovers on the goal line today, one of which was a brilliant strip.

Chris Baker — Picked up a sack and flopped on a loose ball to cap off a bit of a breakout season.

Rashad Ross — Was wide open for a 71-yard TD from McCoy, the first receiving TD of his NFL career.

Pierre Garcon — Tied a career high with his sixth TD catch of the year. Also made an unbelievable one-handed catch, but was out of bounds.

Jordan Reed — Four catches on four targets, making that 31 catches on 33 targets over the past four games, I believe.

Will Compton — First career INT. Fast becoming a fan fave.

Preston Smith — Finishes with five sacks in the final three games. Leads all rookies with eight on the season.

Ryan Kerrigan — After starting the season with 3.5 sacks in the first nine games, he finished with six in the final seven.

Ryan Grant — Nice to see him produce (three catches, one TD) in DeSean Jackson’s absence.

Tress Way — Four punts, 50 yards per, three inside the 20.

Jay Gruden — It was a good problem to have but a tough spot to be in. Rest the starters? Play them for a bit and then pull them out? Go for regular-season records? Go for the win? Whatever. The starters looked great, thus maintaining momentum (for what it’s worth), and the backups got in a good run too, plus they buried Dallas in Dallas. Delicate, and delicious.

Losers

Kysheon Jarrett — Was tough to see him come off the field with tears in his eyes after suffering what we hope was a minor injury. He’d be a big loss in the Wild Card game.

Dashaun Phillips — Carted off the field as Cowboys fans did the wave.

(Ed. note: We’re not calling these guys “losers.” We’re just saying the game didn’t go well for them. That’s all.)

Medium

Packers, Seahawks or Vikings — Who we got?! (Update: It’s Green Bay, next Sunday at 4:30.)

(Top image taken with love from @Redskins.)

Dallas Sucks, Predictions, Redskins

Redskins-Cowboys Predictions

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As ever, these are our crackerjack staff’s predictions for Week 17. Make yours down in the comments. Whoever comes closest gets to make a guest post on this here weblog.

JP Finlay: Redskins, 30-13

Skins win. Dallas suuuuuuucks. D-line pressure will keep it going against whoever is the Cowboys QB.

Matt Terl: Cowboys, 27-24

I mean, I dunno. It’s a meaningless game for GOOD reasons for once. I’m sure something awful will happen (RIP, someone’s knee, probably), but they’ll still be in the playoffs afterwards! That’s cool! (I’m trying Kirk Cousins-style earnestness on for size.)

Todd Davis: Redskins, 23-20

Even the backups have to be more motivated than the Cowboys playing out the string with Moore or Cassel. Also bet we see some inspired RB play given Pierre’s sudden emergence and the almost certain possibility that one of the Alf/Thompson/Jones/Thomas quartet won’t make the playoff roster. And I really hope we see as many backups as possible.

Andy Peden: Redskins, 27-16

Colt McCoy lights up the Cowboys again. Dallas gets the third pick in the draft.

Jack Kogod: Redskins, 17-13

[Peden’s prediction] sounds about right.

Chris Mottram: Redskins, 31-13

After losing in Atlanta and proving that they are total frauds who can only win 14 games, the Panthers now are playing a meaningful game in Week 17 — if they lose and the Cardinals win, Carolina is the 2-seed. But that ain’t happening at home against the Bucs. The road to the Super Bowl goes through the Queen City.

Jamie Mottram: Redskins, 27-17

Washington is rolling and Dallas is rolling over, which is a role reversal from last year, when the 11-4 Cowboys visited the 4-11 Redskins in Week 17 with nothing at stake. They won 44-17.

Composite prediction: Redskins, 26-15

Dallas Sucks, Predictions, Redskins

Redskins-Cowboys Predictions

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As ever, these are our crackerjack staff’s predictions for Week 13. Make yours down in the comments. Whoever comes closest gets to make a guest post on this here weblog.

Todd Davis: Cowboys, 17-16

This is the inevitable soul-crusher. Only thing I’d take the over on here is DJax post-game comments re: play calling.

Matt Terl: Cowboys, 22-21

My head says maybe Washington should win this one, but my gut agrees with Todd: this has “crushing loss to underwhleming Dallas backup QB” written all over it. I’m setting the over/under on Clint Longley references from Friday through Tuesday at 76.

JP Finlay: Redskins, 30-21

Don’t think the bad loss comes this week. Skins win and cover. But watch out in Chicago …

Andy Peden: Redskins, 27-10

It’s going to be one extreme or the other. Either we crush Dallas something like 27-10 or we give away this game because of turnovers to lose 21-20. My gut says the Skins are not the Skins of old and we are actually headed in the right direction, which means everyone should take the other option.

Chris Mottram: Redskins, 31-17

It’s a rivalry game, so you never know what to expect, but I just don’t see this one being close. I mean, the Saints are awful this year. No way they hand the Panthers their first loss. It won’t even be close. The worst 11-0 team in the history of the universe will be 12-0, but still not very good and led by a fraudbaby overrated quarterback, according to the Internet.

Jack Kogod: Redskins, 20-13

I think I’m going to make chili this weekend with RedZone on in the background.

(Ed. note: The Redskins-Cowboys game is on Monday Night Football.)

Jamie Mottram: Redskins, 24-13

If the Skins win this one, as they should, pack it up — this season will have already been a smash hit. Not sure I could jinx it any harder than that.

Composite prediction: Redskins, 24-16

Dallas Sucks, New York Sucks, Philly Sucks, Redskins

The Redskins Don’t Seem Like Playoff Longshots

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According to the fanciest of fancy stats web sites, FiveThirtyEight, here’s how the NFC East playoff chances look entering Week 11:

*Giants 46%
*Eagles 44%
*Redskins 17%
*Dallas 3%

How are the 4-5 Redskins closer to the 2-7 Cowboys than the 4-5 Eagles or 5-5 Giants? The Giants and Eagles do have more net points (20 and 28, respectively) than the Redskins (-4), but that’s hardly enough to make such a big difference. Plus, the Skins have a pretty favorable schedule.

I think what’s happening here is that the Elo model, which FiveThirtyEight’s projections are based on, takes last season into account. As we know, the Skins were not very good! They won four games. New York won six, Philly 10 and Dallas 12.

Other playoff predictors don’t seem to take that into account. For example, PlayoffStatus.com:

*Redskins 39%
*Giants 38%
*Eagles 30%
*Dallas 1%

Now that’s what I’m talking about. That said, I’ve never heard of PlayoffStatus.com, so let’s turn to an old reliable, Football Outsiders, and their playoff odds, which are based on their well-regarded DVOA metrics:

*Giants 42%
*Eagles 40%
*Redskins 24%
*Dallas 2%

Not great, but certainly better than FiveThirtyEight, and you can bet your ass I would’ve taken a 24% chance back when the season started. Hell, I would’ve taken it a week ago. And I’ll take it now, even if I still don’t understand how Philly is so damn high.

Dallas Sucks, Redskins, Winners & Losers

Redskins-Cowboys Winners & Losers

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Handing out labels following Skins games, this time a 44-17 season-ending loss to Dallas.

Winners

DeSean Jackson — He made yet another big play, this time a 69-yard touchdown, to cap off a season full of them. They call him King Turd up here on Shit Mountain, but if you want it you can have the crown.

Losers

Jay Gruden — Lost by 27 to a rival with nothing to gain, finishing 4-12 with no hope, though he does still have a job.

Robert Griffin III — Two picks in the red zone, one fumble for six the other way and boatloads of doubt heading into 2015.

Jim Haslett — One more steaming pile from the Haz. PSGO.

Special teams coach whose name I never remember — Fell for the onside kick.

David Amerson — Burnt by Dez Bryant, burnt by Terrance Williams.

E.J. Biggers — That facemask tackle was textbook horseshit.

Pierre Garcon blindsides Cowboys defender

Medium

Pierre Garcon — The late block that set off a melee after RGIII’s TD was fine by me.

Roy Helu — The little move he pulled on the fake reverse was nice.

Draft position — We have the fifth overall pick to look forward to.

(GIF taken with love from The Big Lead.)

Dallas Sucks, Predictions, Redskins

Redskins-Cowboys Predictions

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No one picked the Redskins to beat Philly last week, so know one gets to make a guest post! What a perfect way to end this season. High fives all around.

Now, here are our crackerjack staff’s scientific predictions for this week’s game. Make yours down in the comments. Whoever comes closest becomes a published author on this here weblog.

Matt Terl: Redskins, 28-24

Dallas pulls their starters at the half. Washington wins and is way, way too happy about it.

Andy Peden: Redskins, 27-17

Two-game win streak + offseason champs + eight months to forget we suck = stupidly high expectations for 2015.

Continue reading Redskins-Cowboys Predictions →

Dallas Sucks, Guest Posts, Redskins, Winners & Losers

Redskins-Cowboys Winners & Losers

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Here to hand out labels following the Skins’ 20-17 OT win in Dallas on Monday Night Football is Mr. Irrelevant reader SiPhi.

Winners

The Fans — We stuck it out and enjoyed a classic rivalry game. Through shitty non-call holding penalties that should have ended the game in regulation, through horrendous delay of games, we stuck with them and WON IN DALLAS.

Colt McCoy –- He now has a 1.000 winning percentage as a Skins starting QB.

Bashaud Breeland –- Studded it up. Forced a fumble, denied Dez twice in a row at the goal line.

Perry Riley –- Two huge stops on the OT drive.

Jordan Reed –- Great catches. Continues to be clutch on third down.

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