Category Archives: Anger!

The Worst Argument Against Changing The Redskins’ Name

The debate over whether or not the Redskins should change their name has flared up this offseason, and while nothing is imminent, the pro-name change movement seems to be gaining momentum. And while we have made it clear that we support changing the name, there are intelligent arguments to be made to the contrary.

On Monday, Redskins’ lineman Jordan Black provided an excellent example of what an intelligent argument does not look like:

Jordan Black is a white male telling a minority race that they’re overly sensitive about racism. And if your head hasn’t exploded yet, this stupid shit Florio wrote about RGIII and the name change is sure to do the trick.

Dear Nats, You Guys Are Awful

Danny Espinosa. The bunts. Oh dear god, the bunts. Three of them in complete non-bunting situations (although some would argue there’s no such thing as a “bunting situation” to start with). One worked out because of sheer dumb luck. Five strikeouts in nine at-bats. One hit.

Bryce Harper. One hit in 15 at-bats with SIX strikeouts. Or the same amount of K’s you had in your last 10 regular season games. You LITERALLY couldn’t be any worse (OK, you could but probably not by much). Cool eye-black though.

Michael Morse. Congrats on your three meaningless singles. Remember when you popped out with the bases loaded in Game 3, essentially killing all our hopes and dreams? That was neat.

Kurt Suzuki. One hit, 11 at-bats, four strikeouts. I know no one really expects you to hit, but shit man.

Adam LaRoche. Your one hit was a dinger! M-V-P M-V-P!

Jayson Werth. You’ve been on base six times, which is actually not horrible! You’ve also failed miserably in all sorts of important situations and have struck out five times.

The Pitchers. We’ll just lump the lot of you in here ’cause you’ve all been horrible at not giving up runs (22 in 26 innings). Except you, Drew Storen. Maybe you can talk to these guys about not being so shitty? Thanks.

But wait! It’s not all awful! Look at this!

What’s the big idea, buddy? Trying to show up the team? Huh? Well get in line, Ian, and start striking out more. You have one last chance today to show the rest of this team how much you can suck, too!

Stephen Strasburg Is Just a Big Pussy Who Needs to Man-Up, Or Something

The Strasburg Shutdown Debate (SSD) has grown out of control the last couple weeks. It’s gone from a local discussion to a national debate, with everyone from Ken Rosenthal to Rudy Giuliani offering worthless, straw man opinions that serve to only make SSD more insufferable.

But even more infuriating are the “baseball people” — former and current players, managers, etc. — issuing quotes from the Rob Dibble School of Man’ing Up about how Strasburg needs to INSIST he keeps pitching through the playoffs. As if this is somehow his decision, or that he somehow doesn’t want to continue playing.

These people are fucking morons.

Just last night we had two more examples. First, there was Chipper Jones, who said, “If I was him, I’d be throwing a fit.” Because Strasburg throwing a tantrum is going to be a productive and successful means of getting the front office to change its mind. This is professional advice from a 40-year-old veteran to a second-year player.

Then there was this from MLB Network’s Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams: “If it was me, it would have to be at gunpoint. There’s zero chance that I’m going to go quietly.”

How does this scenario work? Listen, Mr. Rizzo, I see that Lannan is already out there warming up, but you are going to have to shoot me in the face to stop me from barging onto the field, taking the ball from John and inserting myself into this game as the starting pitcher. So, what’s it gonna be? Seems reasonable.

The thing that everyone who has just now joined the SSD is missing is that Strasburg isn’t kicking and screaming about being shutdown because it was a decision that was made five months ago. That doesn’t make him less of a man, or less passionate, or competitive, or whatever. He’s accepting it. And the rest of us should do the same. Strasburg isn’t going to pitch in the playoffs. That’s that. So try to enjoy the run and be grateful we get to watch him pitch again next April.

DMV: Bryce Harper, Bat-Breaker

Strasburg throws six scoreless, drives in two as Nats win. [WaPo]

Harper broke his bat on the plate, which was unfortunate. [Nats Enq.]

Drew Storen picked up his first save of 2012. [Nats Journal]

Kurt Suzuki and Gio in an old A’s commercial. [Nats Enquirer]

O’s win 11th straight in extras, 1-0 over Tampa Bay. [The Sun]

Wei-Yin Chen has been an awesome rookie. [Krem’s Sports]

Former All-Star Nate McLouth is now up with the O’s. [O’s Insider]

This Heath Shuler-RGIII photo is amazing + terrifying. [The Insider]

Continue reading DMV: Bryce Harper, Bat-Breaker

Two Blown Calls Cost Nats A Win

The baseball season is long, boring and stupid (source: My wife). They play 162 games. How could one little game matter? Actually, it can! Look no further than just last season, where the Braves lost out on a playoff spot by one game to the eventual World Series champion Cardinals. Or in 2009, when the Twins won the Central race over the Tigers by a single game. Every game counts is a really annoying cliche, but also pretty accurate.

All of this is a long way of saying we should be very pissed off that two calls in the first inning cost the Nationals a win on Sunday. First, there was this call at first base:

That’s LaRoche standing on the base with the ball in his glove for the third out of the inning. Nats retreat to the dugout for the bottom of the 1st with no harm done. Of course, Rolen was called safe because he’s at least in the frame at the same time the ball arrived and he’s getting pretty old you guys but still trying really hard! Or something.

Second, after that adventure at first base, was this ball four call in a full count, still with two outs:

What you can’t see there is that Detwiller threw that pitch old-man underhand softball style, so it crossed the plate over the batter’s head before dropping into Ramos’ glove right in the middle of the strikezone.

The next batter hit a grand slam. There were no blown calls on that one.

Nats are now 7-3, which is tied for the second best record in the N.L. But 8-2 sure would’ve been nice.

Tony Romo Is Gutsy

Yes, Tony Romo played with a broken rib. But let’s look at his line from the game: 255 yards, 7 yards/catch, 0 touchdowns, 1 interception, 70 passer rating. There is nothing spectacular about that. There was nothing spectacular about that game, in general. Yet this morning, Romo is the GUTSIEST GAMER this side of Brett Favre, who managed to WILL his team to victory on the strength of his TOUGHNESS alone. To wit!:

And my personal favorite:

This is the same quarterback who, in Week 1, lost the game for the Cowboys against the Jets and left everyone wondering why he just “can’t get it done” in “crunch time.” Now he rules the NFC East after a sloppy, six-field-goal win. Amazing how a broken rib can alter the narrative.
Continue reading Tony Romo Is Gutsy

Yeehaw! Danny And Vinny Gon Get Themselves a Purty White Quarterback

Jason Campbell isn’t going to be the Redskins quarterback next season. This is something we all need to start coming to terms with. Yes, even you idiots in the anti-JC camp. Because you know who we’re going to be stuck with in 2010? A rookie quarterback behind the same shitty offensive line we have right now:

Owner Daniel Snyder and Vinny Cerrato, Washington’s executive vice president of football operations, recently attended a University of Texas game to scout quarterback Colt McCoy, according to sources within the organization. Cerrato also made a trip to conduct an in-person evaluation of Notre Dame junior quarterback Jimmy Clausen, who this week declared for the draft.

The belief among some at Redskins Park is that Snyder and Cerrato plan to use the team’s first draft pick this year in their quest to find the Redskins’ next franchise quarterback, which could signal the end of Jason Campbell’s tenure with the team. He will be a restricted free agent at the end of the season, which means the Redskins could match any offers he received.

Back to you fuckheads who don’t think Jason Campbell is a quality QB — ask yourself this, honestly: Would you rather have JC as the QB next season (and beyond) along with a new stud, first round offensive lineman OR would you rather have a rookie QB from a weak QB draft pool? In fact, the former part of the question could probably be revised: Would you rather have JC as QB along with two stud early round lineman after the Skins trade down to acquire more picks. Because they could do that. They won’t, but they could.

Essentially what Snyder is doing by using a top 5 pick on McCoy or Clausen is banking the team’s entire future on one of them. If we at least bulk the line through the draft, we have the foundation for a successful offense. Even if it isn’t led by Campbell. Right now, we’d be throwing a rookie QB into a shitstorm of pain and punishment. Like Matt Stafford this season, only McCoy and Clausen combined don’t have as much potential as Stafford.

And holy fucking shit, after all of the evidence we have seen ON THE FIELD over the past five seasons, why are we still being forced to lobby for this team to draft offensive lineman? How do they NOT understand this? Why the fuck is Vinny Cerrato still running this team? And when did Subway’s sandwich artists become the equivalent of third graders who draw stick figures? THE TOPPING GO ON TOP OF THE MEAT, LADY, THAT’S WHY THEY’RE CALLED TOPPINGS.

Seriously, though, this has been a really, really enjoyable season.

Jim Zorn Says ‘We’re Getting Better’ the Day After Losing to Detroit

This is what Jim Zorn said today — one day after being dominated by the Lions and eight days after somehow managing to not lose to the Rams at home:

“In the big picture, I think things are progressing. We’re getting better. It’s not coming in the (wins). We’ll continue to press on.”

Take a minute. Let that soak in. We’ll wait.

OK, let’s proceed.

See, what I find really odd about this statement is EVERY FUCKING WORD OF IT. I’ve created a chart to help demonstrate why Zorn’s comments are totally fucked. Here are the points the Skins have scored in each of his 19 games as coach (this includes points scored by the defense, which are zero):


With that visual in mind, let’s take this sentence-by-sentence.

“In the big picture, I think things are progressing.”

How big is the picture? Is it just this season? Because, no, things have done nothing but regress from the opening fucking kickoff in New Jersey. So is the picture the last, say, 10 games that Zorn’s coached? ‘Cause that’s not any better — he’s 3-7 in that picture. Maybe the big picture really is the biggest of pictures: his entire tenure as head coach. In which case: nothing has fucking progressed. TASTE THE GRAPH.

“We’re getting better.”

Really? Well FUCKING AWESOME. Hey, guys, did you hear that?! Yeah, coach says we’re improving. Well, yeah, no shit, part of “getting better” means we’re winning games. Why would you ask such a stupid question? That’s inferred in the statement itself and goes without saying–

“It’s not coming in the (wins).”

Oh. Huh. So, essentially we’re getting better at not winning. That’s actually pretty accurate.

“We’ll continue to press on.”

Well color me reassured. Sure, we looked godfuckingawful against arguably the two worst teams in the NFL in back-to-back weeks. But Zorn is pressing on despite the fact that another winless OFFENSIVE JUGGERNAUT looms on the horizon this week. So brave.

(Vegas has us as 7.5-point favorites for this Sunday vs. the Bucs, which is funny because that means Vegas thinks the Skins will actually score 7.5 points this Sunday.)

Strasburg Deadline Mania: Rob Dibble Is Nasty, and By ‘Nasty’ I Mean Not Smart

rob-dibble-reds.jpgSteinz already covered Rob Dibble and Bob Carpenter’s ripping of Scott Boras and Stephen Strasburg. I didn’t hear it myself, and Chris tells me it wasn’t that bad, so I’ll let it be. But this blog post from Dibble, well, let’s look at that.

Before that though, I want to preface this with a disclaimer that this is unaffected by whether the deal is done by midnight or not. Dibs’ post was written pre-deal (or pre-deal falling through), as is my own. Basically, this is just for the record, because it really grinds my gears.

“Nationals President Stan Kasten and owners Ted and Mark Lerner have offered the 21-year-old more than the record amount given to then Cubs 1st round pick Mark Prior back in 2001.”

Also, stamps cost 34 cents then but now they cost 44 cents. Grrr.

“We are talking about $10.5 million. Not only is that more money then 99.9 percent of the rest of the world, but we are talking about wanting to play professional baseball.”

This line of thinking leads to every player making the league minimum.

“Jose Contreras, Kei Igawa and Daisuke Matsuzaka were for the most part over-hyped busts that have really done nothing to even come close to what they were signed for.”

Igawa was a bust. Contreras had good seasons and bad seasons and won Game 1 of the World Series. Matsuzaka went 33-15 his first two years.

“Why isn’t Scott Boras comparing Strasburg to Tim Lincecum, Tommy Hanson, Matt Cain or Rick Porcello?”

Probably because they were drafted 10th, 677th, 25th and 27th overall.

“He can’t even touch them talent wise and guys like Hanson that signed for $325,000 are the real deal.”

This line of thinking leads to no pitchers getting drafted or signed ever.

“Kid, if you want respect you have to earn it, if you want to be hated as much as your agent Scott Boras, hold out and go pitch in independent league baseball.”

You just got served Nasty Boy-style, kid.

“Good luck.”

Go fuck yourself.

‘Fan’ Gets His Bartman on at O’s Game

The Orioles are in the process of losing the final game of their opening series against the Yankees. It’s 9-2 in the seventh, but had it not been for this asshole, it would be 7-2, which is closer than 9-2, or so I’ve been told:


Several replays showed that the ball was headed directly for Markakis’ mitt. But it wasn’t to be because of the dickhead in the yellow shirt, who may or may not be a Yankees fan. We’ll never know because, well, he wore a yellow fucking polo shirt to an O’s-Yankees game. Nowhere in those teams’ colors will you find canary. Enjoy that free souvenir you got to go along with the free ticket your buddy gave you for the bleacher seats to a game you otherwise never would’ve gone to because you don’t give a fuck about baseball. Shithead.

As for you, Markickass: We know you had that one, baby. Don’t fret. Those two runs didn’t matter anyway. Although, sure, you wanted to be on Web Gems tonight. We know, we know. But you’ll be there plenty throughout the summer. Mkay? Smooches.