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Caps On A Plane! A Running Diary Of Caps-Rangers Game 3

Here with a retro live blog of Game 3, written from a cross-country flight, is Mr. Irrelevant Capitals correspondent Brad Parker (@stopthehats).

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6:47 — $8 for DirecTV on the flight including NBCSN. Card swiped.

7:00 — Is that a set without a Milbury? Things are looking up already.

7:24 — BTW, on the plane you can’t page through the guide on DirecTV, it’s one channel at a time so I’ll be hitting the back button just flipping between the game and the Impractical Jokers mini-marathon on Tru TV which somehow exists between NCAA tournaments.

7:26 — Joe’s punishment on Impractical Jokers is to walk his dog on Wall St. in silly costumes. Let’s drop the damn puck.

7:30 — John Forsland behind the mic. I guess I will be able to nap on this flight.

7:34 — Just to be clear, you can get satellite TV on a plane, but I have to put my phone on airplane mode? How will the twittersphere survive a Caps playoff game without my snark? What if there’s a hat trick? Will people throw hats willy nilly without a reminder of Sidney’s refined rules of Stanley Cup etiquette?

7:39 — I’m at 38k feet and hearing @wesjohnsonvoice, Caleb Green and Bob MacDonald. What an age in which we live!

7:42 — Dammit! The volume on this thing doesn’t have numbers. How am I supposed to set it to 19?

7:43 — I feel like we didn’t complain about the disparity in PPs enough between games and we’re already paying for it. Could have gotten a call in the first minute.

7:44 — Does Pierre really think his name is Brooks Orpeck?

7:46 — They’ve gone to Pierre about 4 times in the first 3 minutes. Each time he has talked about the Rangers exclusively. I’ve been wondering if the NBCSN coverage really is biased or if it’s just our perception. So tonight I’ll track which team Pierre talks about first each time they go to him.

7:50 — This looks a whole lot like Game 1 vs. the Islanders.

7:51 — 4 more Pierre breaks, 4 more about the Rangers.

7:56 — Chimmer being Chimmer.

7:57 — After 12 times taking about the Rags, Pierre says Washington hasn’t gotten enough credit all year. Ironic.

7:58 — PP for the Caps.

8:00 — Ovi from the Ovi spot and Pierre says Henrik studies film and knew the one-timer was coming: “His brain is like a supercomputer.” No one else in North America could have seen that coming.

8:01 — PP opportunity missed. Let’s see how long it takes for the Rags to get a PP to even it up.

8:04 — Pierre with Trots. He talks about the Rangers first.

8:06 — Seriously considering hitting the call button and asking flint attendant for a Caps goal. Think she’d be displeased?

8:07 — Another Caps PP.

8:08 — Where the hell is Backstrom?

8:09 — Great chances but nothing yet.

8:10 — Another one killed. Rags PP coming before this period ends.

8:16 — End of 1, no score. Pierre count (times talking about said team first in his hit): Rags 18, Caps 4.

8:20 — Q had 30 seconds to get a feminine product from a stranger in the park. No dice so it’s punishment time. They dress him in a Peter Pan costume and tell him he’s going to have to join a live musical in progress but when he hits the stage it’s really pro wrestling.

8:34 — Second period underway, Pierre talks about the Rags but in a negative way.

8:35 — Rags PP coming on Alzner’s DOG.

8:37 — Serious turbulence, on the plane not the ice.

8:37 — Killed.

8:39 — Has St. Louis ever gone 3-straight games without destroying the Caps? Someone call Elias.

8:40 — First time I’m noticing he crowd being loud.

8:41 — Caps hold the puck in the Rags zone for 2 full minutes, Pierre compliments Rags.

8:43 — BEAGS!!!! I tweeted during Game 1 that no one has ever been more due than Beagle is now. That goal was earned in Games 6 and 7 vs. the Isles. 1-0 Caps 7:31 of the second.

8:49 — Scrum starts in front of the net and DirecTV goes out. We can land a rover on Mars but we can’t get a continuous DirecTV feed on a commercial flight for … it’s back.

8:50 — Feeling a little nauseous. Not sure if it’s the turbulence or having to pay attention to Pierre to keep an accurate count.

8:52 — Captain cuts the game audio to tell me it’s going to be bumpy for another 15-20 minutes. Maybe it’s not Pierre (it’s Pierre).

8:55 — Caps are buzzing, 3 good chances for the Wilson line. Pierre is silent.

8:58 — St. Louis on a breakaway, here it comes. And he shoots it harmlessly right into Holby’s chest. This is not the Cap killer I know.

9:00 — Glencross all alone in the slot, denied. Why the hell did he use up all his goals in his first week with the Caps?

9:07 — Pierre: “We’re gong to have to come up with a nickname for Holtby.” So true. Whoever comes up with a good one will be a beast. A Holtbeast as it were.

9:09 — End of 2, Caps 1, Rags 0. Pierre count: Rags 29, Caps 12 (3 about the goal and one entirely consisted of him saying “a man possessed” about Ovi.)

9:15 — If this game goes to OT will I have to do pushups in the aisle? Must get a message to @puckbuddys to confirm.

9:22 — Impractical Jokers marathon update: It’s the one where Sal is a tour guide on a boat and they make him kayak back to shore. Quality TV.

9:26 — Another pilot announcement about turbulence.

9:28 — Nash just destroyed Orpik. Pierre says it’s darn close to boarding then praises him. Not the Ovi treatment.

9:29 — One minute later they call the same hit on Wilson and it’s ok because of his reputation.

9:33 — KILLED.

9:34 — Did you know that the final score of the baseball games played at CitiField on Saturday and Sunday were both Washington 1, New York 0?

9:36 — Pierre just went on national TV and said that a 3-time Hart Trophy winner who is in the top 3 in PPG in the playoffs among active players has been a breakout player in these playoffs. This is everything that is wrong with the hockey media.

9:39 — This plane is bouncing like the puck at MSG the day after a Clapton concert.

9:43 — I wonder when they’ll give the Rags another PP.

9:52 — Rags just had roughly 57 chances, still 1-0 with 7:30 to go.

9:54 — Ovi to Alzner … off the post. Holy crap it’s loud!

9:56 — Any clear is a good clear. GET IT OUT.

9:57 — 3:13 left and they’re going to break with just crowd noise. Obviously, we are louder.

9:58 — Impractical Jokers update: Murr has his mouth full of novocain and he has to teach a class about cuisines of the world and sample the foods. Brilliant.

10:00 — Can we ask St. Louis not to play the final 2:16?

10:02 — Empty net.

10:03 — St. Louis can hang off the crossbar without his skates touching the ice, adorable.

10:04 — 47 seconds to go.

10:06 — Not 1.3 please.

10:06 — CAPS WIN! Never in doubt.

10:06 — End of 3, Caps 1, Rags 0. Pierre count: Rags 37, Caps 18. Goals scored on shots taken from in front of the net: 0.

I guess I’ll have to take a cross-country flight every game the rest of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

10:08 — The past three professional sporting events between teams from the nation’s capital and the big apple:

Washington 1, New York 0
Washington 1, New York 0
Washington 1, New York 0

10:10 — Hey @NBCSN, can you just play a feed of John Forsland talking so I can sleep the rest of the flight? Wait, Parks and Rec is on, never mind. Best $8 I’ve ever spent!

D.C. sports fan and digital media guy that's been doing this since 2004. Once threw a football further than Chris Cooley.

4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Ketel on Rocks

    May 5, 2015 at 2:36 PM

    Well done.

    Hard to believe in a sportscasting world with Tony Siragusa doing sideline reporting that you could do worse… Ladies and gents, I give you Pierre Maguire.

    His comment about Ovechkin becoming a breakout player was throwing-remote-through-tv worthy.

  2. GMGMNeverBreaks

    May 5, 2015 at 8:59 PM

    As a fellow Pierre hater, I wanted to give you a thumbs up. Beyond just who he talks about first, keep an ear out for whom he credits with plays. So, for example, last night on Beagle’s goal, he described the lead up and kept repeating “it just goes of Yandle’s skate”, “that’s just horrible luck for Yandle”, etc. as opposed to, say, good effort or smart play by Beagle. Same thing in the Isles series – Holtby made a fantastic save on Okposo and it’s called as “Okposo just couldn’t get it through” as opposed to, say, unbelievable stop by Holtby.

    Also, according to Pierre, Alex Ovechkin grew 2 inches and 35 lbs since the beginning of the Isles series (from 6’1″, 205lbs to 6’3″ 240lbs).

  3. burgertime

    May 6, 2015 at 1:01 PM

    pierre is pretty bad, but milbury is 1,000x worse

  4. Snyder's Bitch

    May 13, 2015 at 1:26 PM

    May the nirvana of Washington sports teams being on national television in May never end. I’ll put up with biased coverage just to be able to see them. Even when I lived in NoVA, we used to watch the Redskins games but listen to WMAL for audio. Modern broadcasting delays have killed that solution.

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