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A Trip to the Island of Misfit Merchandise

misfit-toys.jpgIn Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Island of Misfit Toys is a needy place where unwanted toys have a voice, a voice with lessons for the open-hearted. In the Leesburg Premium Outlets, however, the Washington Redskins Official Store Outlet is a seedy space where unwanted merch has a place, a place with prices for the empty-pocketed.

It was at the latter I found myself last week, home for the holiday and shopping for gifts. In search of, oh I don’t know, 2007 Wild Card gear, I wandered in and was overcome by the burgundy and gold-ness of it all, the Skins Crocs and jumbo bobbleheads; a Chris Cooley version of which was half-off for being “broken”.

To the counter I went, asking if they had anything for newborns. The lone salesman led me to a rack in the back, where he pushed aside tiny things for toddlers and infants, finally pulling out a jersey-style onesie: “Here you go,” without a bit of irony, as if he had found exactly what I was looking for.

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OK, so enough with the baby stuff. She’d outgrow it by next season anyway. What’s this, adult jerseys for $20?

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Yipes. I mean, I understand that you’ve got B. Lloyd jerseys to unload. He was a high-priced acquisition at a skill position. You tend to bulk up on that sort of thing. But the guy never even caught a touchdown as a Redskin. At least mark these down to $5 so I can buy one as a gag.

Oooh, is that an entire section of Redskins t-shirts? I love the Redskins. I love t-shirts. But not these Redskins t-shirts.

redskins-outlet-schedule.jpg

Oh god no. Not the 2008 schedule tee. The same tee that was ridiculous three months ago, yet here it is, still full price. I could see someone buying this if, say, Washington was a Giants-esque 11-1. But they’re 7-5 and weren’t expected to be good to begin with. Speaking of New York …

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Riiight. A shirt commemorating nationally televised embarrassment. At least they were 50% off, unlike …

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Yeah, the Beltway Battle. Like we give a shit. The sad thing is, all three of these tees are still selling in the Redskins.com Shop, which you’d think would be misfit-proof. Of course, that would be assuming too much. Like the team’s front office being misfit-proof. Then maybe you wouldn’t mind being caught dead wearing this.

D.C. sports fan and digital media guy that's been doing this since 2004. Once threw a football further than Chris Cooley.

15 Comments

15 Comments

  1. StetSportsBlog

    December 2, 2008 at 12:01 PM

    Oh, you care. The last thing you want is for 695 to get more props than 495.

  2. Jamie Mottram

    December 2, 2008 at 12:42 PM

    Maybe we should poll the readership, but I don’t care about beating Baltimore more than I do any other team.

  3. jlewis581

    December 2, 2008 at 12:42 PM

    Who the hell would buy a draft day shirt? seriously? let alone a shirt commemorating one single (shitty) game?

  4. marknewgent

    December 2, 2008 at 12:55 PM

    If you are a Skins fan who lived among the Baltimorons you would care. Before I moved to Baltimore, like you I could have cared less. However,in the words of Val Kilmer, “now I really hate em.”

  5. The Mayor

    December 2, 2008 at 2:20 PM

    The President and myself will be in Baltimore on Sunday night.

    We will be “ho checking” as soon as we step out of the ride.

  6. The Mayor

    December 2, 2008 at 2:29 PM

    1. Ho-check

    To bitch-slap someone, pref. a female.

    You better watch yo’self, lest you want to get ho-checked, beyotch!

  7. StetSportsBlog

    December 2, 2008 at 3:50 PM

    I would show the DTC around some of the better parts of Baltimore…

    If I didn’t care about my wife and her desire for me to return home to her sans crutches.

  8. littles

    December 2, 2008 at 6:30 PM

    I’d really enjoy either some video or some words next week from the mayor on his trip to that shit of a city up I-95.

    Thanks.

  9. Terps77

    December 3, 2008 at 12:32 AM

    I live blocks from M&T. I can watch the stadium display from my deck. I have (w)hordes of drunken purple and black camo’ed people who act like theyve never had a beer in their lives parading past my house every home game. They dont generally trash the neighborhood & Ive come to like the Ravens because of this. Ill even watch a bit of their games here and there. Joe Flacco is funnest athlete name since COW Ripken to say in Bawlmerese.
    I even love Baltimore the way a battered wife loves her man.

    BUT!

    GD I want a Skins win this weekend!

  10. Terps77

    December 3, 2008 at 12:39 AM

    If the Mayor is ho-checking in Balto Sunday, might I suggest a place to start?

    http://www.collegecandy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/08/michael-phelps-speedo.png

    Hahah. Peeter.

  11. Terps77

    December 3, 2008 at 12:27 PM

    Up for discussion on the sports radio station in Baltimore today…Baltimore’s inferiority complex about Dc.

  12. Diceshooter

    December 3, 2008 at 2:03 PM

    I perused those same t-shirt racks last summer and got those same craptastic shirts (but in last year’s versions) for around $2-4 each. Like cheap wine, they get worse with time…

  13. midxpress

    December 3, 2008 at 7:02 PM

    @Terps77

    On which of the FOUR or FIVE Sports Radio Stations in town do you mean?

  14. ferit

    December 17, 2010 at 11:41 AM

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  15. ferit

    December 17, 2010 at 11:42 AM

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