Redskins-Cowboys Winners & Losers

Handing out labels following Skins games, this time a 44-17 season-ending loss to Dallas.

Winners

DeSean Jackson — He made yet another big play, this time a 69-yard touchdown, to cap off a season full of them. They call him King Turd up here on Shit Mountain, but if you want it you can have the crown.

Losers

Jay Gruden — Lost by 27 to a rival with nothing to gain, finishing 4-12 with no hope, though he does still have a job.

Robert Griffin III — Two picks in the red zone, one fumble for six the other way and boatloads of doubt heading into 2015.

Jim Haslett — One more steaming pile from the Haz. PSGO.

Special teams coach whose name I never remember — Fell for the onside kick.

David Amerson — Burnt by Dez Bryant, burnt by Terrance Williams.

E.J. Biggers — That facemask tackle was textbook horseshit.

Pierre Garcon blindsides Cowboys defender

Medium

Pierre Garcon — The late block that set off a melee after RGIII’s TD was fine by me.

Roy Helu — The little move he pulled on the fake reverse was nice.

Draft position — We have the fifth overall pick to look forward to.

(GIF taken with love from The Big Lead.)

7 thoughts on “Redskins-Cowboys Winners & Losers”

  1. I wish I could say I was hopeful for the future, but I’m not. This team is a ship without a Captain heading full speed into shore Speed 2: Cruise Control style.

  2. Thanks for the quality work this season as usual, Mottram Bros.

    I have some serious time to kill, so forgive me for the following HOT TAEK. No winners or losers, but the following people can go and get royally fucked for this season:

    Jim Haslett – fuck you and your awful 3-4 and feeble minded, vacant stare.

    Chris Russell – the worlds only Jim Haslett groupie. Despite all evidence to the contrary, Chris just keeps on fuckin that chicken about how good of a coach Haz is. Fuck you, and fuck medifast, which is clearly a scam.

    Jay Gruden – fuck you for being the Walmart store-brand version of Jon Gruden.

    Kirk Cousins – Fuck you and your wife who looks like she’s your sister, and your Midwestern nice guy bullshit persona. I can’t wait for the day I get to watch you and boy genius Kyle lead Cleveland to a 6-10 record.

    Chris Cooley – fuck you and your company shill bullshit. #Redskinsfacts – you’re fucking terrible at radio.

    Bruce Allen – fuck you for making me actually wonder what I once thought impossible – whether this team would be better if Vinny Cerrato were still here. That’s impressive failure on a monumental scale:

    Brian Orakpo – fuck you and your steroid induced torn pecs. You are the definition of “Legend in his own mind”.

    The type of fans who visit extremeskins.com – Scalp out Cancer? Do you all live in a fucking cave or something? Also, you’re 100% the same people who make redskins games an awful experience. Fuck off back to La Plata or Spottsyltucky or whatever hinterland shithole burg you come from.

    Dan Snyder – your fingerprints are all over everything above. Fuck you always and forever for ruining this franchise in new and previously inconceivable ways every season. You are to pro football what the Hindenburg was to commercial blimp travel. I’d beg you to sell the team, but you’d fuck that up and sell it to some asshole like Fred Hiatt and make things even worse somehow. Please get caught for tax evasion and escape to Kiribati or some other 3rd world island tax shelter and never come back.

  3. Thank god it’s over. My solace after last season was that I thought 2014 couldn’t get any worse. Now, I can already imagine the Gruden/RG3 media circus in 2015. There is no hope. There is, and always will be, #infinitesadness.

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