Jordan Crawford Ate Skittles During A Game (GUEST POST)

Wizznutzz is one of my favorite blogs of all time, but they don’t blog anymore, so this is a special treat. Here, with a dispatch from the Mothering Hut, are our mysterious friends the @wzzntzz.

“All the advantages ov Christianity and alcohol; none ov their defects.” -Aldous Huxley on Skittles in “Brave New World”

When JCraw palmed the tropical rainbow vs. Philly on Jan. 30, he wasn’t entering the game, he was checking into the Matrix. But his was no choice between the red and blue pills — it was a cosmic handful from the whole color stream: the pineapple passionfruit, the strawberry starfruit, the mango tangelo.

So, rather than picking between blissful ignorance or the pain ov reality, JCraw absorbed the universe all at once and entered the Infinite Sphere. In three dimensions a basketball always rotates on a fixed access, but in infinite dimensions there’s long been a question whether that invariant remains. But JCraw, using quantum mechanics as engineered by the Wringley Jr. Company in the form ov corn syrup and palm oil and enough artifice to prove we are all computer simulations, offered proof that no matter how many 50-foot jumpers can be launched with time left on the shot clock, the basketball, and therefore your soul, will have a FIXXXED ACCCESSSS.

But even with the fever for the flavor, unaltered is the mind ov the Buddha. JCraw doesn’t lament the past, yearn for the future, he lives for the moment. Who else gon’ shoot? Therefore he’s more serene than a thousand mountains, his gaze more focused than a hundred telescopes, his trebuchet more powerful than a lazer cannon.

JCraw is a scientist. When he pounded the Skittles he encased the faint glow, laced the train slow, traced the vein bro, raced the vain crow, and entered the rarified world ov bodhisattvas.

Are you confused by the metaphysics ov a Detroiter sent to free the world from contrivances? As the Buddha said, “One cannot hammer absolute truth out by logic and reason alone.”

This is Wizznutz dharma.

(Some of these words were lifted straight from the Skittles website; the GIF was lifted from SB Nation.)

9 thoughts on “Jordan Crawford Ate Skittles During A Game (GUEST POST)”

  1. Very strong incites. Tracy Murray was more of an existentialist, but Crawford adds a nice dash of mysticism. Both gon shoot.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *