The 12 Best Mustaches In Orioles History (AKA The Dirty Dozen)

Today’s guest post comes from Doug Ramey, the proprietor of D.C. sports blog Fatpickled. Follow him on Twitter and enjoy his admiration for lip fur.

There’s no doubt Nick Johnson has brought a pretty impressive mustache to the 2012 Orioles roster. But let’s be honest, his ‘stache has gotten around the league like Kim Kardashian gets around NBA locker rooms. The Yankees, Marlins and Nats have all shared his ‘stache in recent years, and, besides that, Johnson is 1-for-30 this year. With that being said, let’s take a look at the top 12 all-time Orioles ‘staches:

12. Bobby Grich has a David Letterman or Michael Strahan-type gap going on, not with his teeth but with his ‘stache.

11. A ‘stache weaker than circus lemonade + a helmet too big for your head + glasses that are priceless and make you look like Jeffrey Dahmer = Jeff McKnight lives in Oriole infamy.

10. Tom Niedenfuer’s ‘stache is pretty ordinary, until you factor in the fact that he used it to bag one of the ’80s hottest chicks.

9. Larry Sheets’ ‘stache has gotten better with age. He now coaches Cal Ripken Jr.’s son in high school, owns an amusement park and looks like a cross between the Marlboro Man and The World’s Most Interesting Man.

8. Sammy Stewart’s ‘stache receives bonus points for the accompanying unibrow. Stewart and his ‘stache have 26 mug shots since 1989.

7. Tim Stoddard’s the only man in history to win both a NCAA basketball championship and a World Series Title. Take a look at him now!

6. John Lowenstein = 80’s Howard Stern

5. I’ll be honest, I really don’t know what swag is, but I can only believe that Eddie Murray’s ‘stache is swag. “Check out the big brain on Brad!”

4. Jeff Reboulet’s ‘stache is crisp, it’s bold and it’s manicured like a PGA green. One look at it and porn music from a VHS tape starts playing.

3. No confirmation that Ross Grimsley was the inspiration for Kenny Powers. I just look at this picture and think puff, puff, pass.

2. Jeff Foxworthy is jealous of Doug DeCinces’ ‘stache.

1. Don Aase’s ‘stache has too many things going for it not to be No. 1. It’s red, it’s bushy and it’s got a Rollie Fingers-esque handle bar thing going on.

11 thoughts on “The 12 Best Mustaches In Orioles History (AKA The Dirty Dozen)”

  1. Don Aase should also get points for being named Don Aase.

    That was before my O’s time, how is that pronounced? Like gas or base? I’m hoping gas.

  2. Two points:
    One: I can see slotting Aase first, but Eddie Murray has to be in the two. You can’t seed a ‘stache like that fifth because it’s unfair to the rest of the bracket.
    Two: Palmeiro? Not only did he rock his stache in front of Congress [] but he would have been your Latin component.

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