In Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Island of Misfit Toys is a needy place where unwanted toys have a voice, a voice with lessons for the open-hearted. In the Leesburg Premium Outlets, however, the Washington Redskins Official Store Outlet is a seedy space where unwanted merch has a place, a place with prices for the empty-pocketed.
It was at the latter I found myself last week, home for the holiday and shopping for gifts. In search of, oh I don’t know, 2007 Wild Card gear, I wandered in and was overcome by the burgundy and gold-ness of it all, the Skins Crocs and jumbo bobbleheads; a Chris Cooley version of which was half-off for being “broken”.
To the counter I went, asking if they had anything for newborns. The lone salesman led me to a rack in the back, where he pushed aside tiny things for toddlers and infants, finally pulling out a jersey-style onesie: “Here you go,” without a bit of irony, as if he had found exactly what I was looking for.
OK, so enough with the baby stuff. She’d outgrow it by next season anyway. What’s this, adult jerseys for $20?
Yipes. I mean, I understand that you’ve got B. Lloyd jerseys to unload. He was a high-priced acquisition at a skill position. You tend to bulk up on that sort of thing. But the guy never even caught a touchdown as a Redskin. At least mark these down to $5 so I can buy one as a gag.
Oooh, is that an entire section of Redskins t-shirts? I love the Redskins. I love t-shirts. But not these Redskins t-shirts.
Oh god no. Not the 2008 schedule tee. The same tee that was ridiculous three months ago, yet here it is, still full price. I could see someone buying this if, say, Washington was a Giants-esque 11-1. But they’re 7-5 and weren’t expected to be good to begin with. Speaking of New York …
Riiight. A shirt commemorating nationally televised embarrassment. At least they were 50% off, unlike …
Yeah, the Beltway Battle. Like we give a shit. The sad thing is, all three of these tees are still selling in the Redskins.com Shop, which you’d think would be misfit-proof. Of course, that would be assuming too much. Like the team’s front office being misfit-proof. Then maybe you wouldn’t mind being caught dead wearing this.