In Defense of Our Gloriously Fat Punter

I’d like to start by saying that I loved Ryan Plackemeier at first sight. More specifically, I loved him from the moment CBS showed this backside angle of him as he lined up for his first of eight punts:


The man is built like a stack of tires with one large, monster truck tire lodged around the middle. But we must base our judgments about the man on his performance, not the fact that he’s a pro athlete who makes us feel good about our fleshy physiques.

Early today, I put Plackemeier in the winners section. Apparently, some seem to disagree. From the Cleveland Plain-Dealer:

Redskins punter Ryan Plackemeier was horrible and kept giving Browns good field position with bad kicks.

“Horrible”. Wow. Strong words. La Canfora was slightly more reserved, but still critical:

Plackemeier has to get better – right? – because the 32-yard punts and stuff were weak.

So weak, bro.

If you look at just the stats — 37 yard average with a 29 yard net average — it doesn’t look pretty. But when you take into account the situations in which he was kicking (often near the 50, or even in Cleveland territory, where a booming kick is useless), I think he did well, and at worst, did better than we’ve seen from Brooks. He forced Cleveland to start at, or inside, its own 20 three times.

The two punts which did give the Browns good field position were kicked from inside Plackemeier’s own endzone, situations where you’re happy for him just to get off something decent without a shank or a block. The worst kick of the day actually was his last, a 39-yarder from the Washington 43, which Cribbs returned to the Cleveland 29 — a net of 28 yards.

All things considered, the fat man done good, and avoided disaster. He gets the Mr. Irrelevant seal of approval, which is the highest honor a punter can receive in this town.

7 thoughts on “In Defense of Our Gloriously Fat Punter”

  1. Are the Skins that good that punting is the hot topic?

    If so, I think we’d all be better suited by copping some “Portis Pockets’ Straight” gear and chopping it up at the local Jerry’s Subs and Pizza.

  2. Special teams, specifically punting, has been the one consistent problem for this team this season. So yeah, it’s kind of a big deal. Plus, I really wanted to post that photo of Plackemeier.

  3. Quick typing is a small price to pay for the glory of tubby punters.

    And Jamie, the “see also” section of the muffin top Wikipedia page made my day.

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