That Fitted Is Hot, Son: Let Me Get Them Extra Eyeballs Edition

As I’ve told you bamas before, my landlord is a real bitch. I mean, yeah, she gave birth to me – allegedly – but that don’t give her the right to tell me I’m stupid for getting fired from both Applebees in Prince William County. And one Friday’s, but that shiz wasn’t my fault, for real. They never told me I couldn’t hot box the walk-in fridge.

But anyway, ‘cause that bitch always be claimin’ I ain’t properly utilizing my dome, I figured I’d step up my brain game. Plus, if I rock this shiz backwards, I can peep when she be creepin’ up on me, tryin’ to ask me to do some bull like take me jean shorts out the wash:


Another problem I gots is split personalities. I’m sayin’, sometimes I be gangsta and other times, I be even mo’ gangsta. That’s why I be self-medicating myself with my step-dad’s Prozac. Or maybe it’s Oxy. Either way, this new 59Fifty, in which New Era “takes their split cap concept even farther, pulling from classic tale of internal struggle: Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde” is hot. And once again, peep them eyeballs, son:


This one time, my boys and I got a bad batch and I wigged out. I told everyone that my boy D-Low’s head was a cheeseburger and his eyes were two delicious lookin’ pickles. Later, I found out that we had really been scammed and were just grubbin’ on some portabellas. I guess I was hallucinating that I was hallucinating. Crazy stupid, right? Well, for real, this final fitted reminded me of that shiz. They done made the eyeballs into cherries, son. This janx from the Billionaire Boys Club aka BBC, but they ain’t gonna charge you a billion dollars for it. Or even a million. Nah, son, you can cop this ice cream fitted for just $75:


Bonus Fitted Goods: The production value on the video version of “That Fitted Is Hot, Son” has just skyrocketed to new, yet still considerably low, heights (see also: Fur Fitted video and my boy Mike’s fitted collection mash-up).

Previously on “That Fitted Is Hot, Son”: Inaugural Edition | C-Notes Edition | Kaleidoscope of Gangsta Edition | Take Me to Another Place Edition | For Yo Girl Edition | Whack Things That Done Turned Tight Edition


7 thoughts on “That Fitted Is Hot, Son: Let Me Get Them Extra Eyeballs Edition”

  1. Carebears?

    Sheeeit, I’da let The Snorkels slide, even fucking Shirt Tales, but Carebears?

    Unless you talking ’bout Grumpy Bear – that bull was gangsta. He didn’t give a FUCK, yo.

    An one mo’ thing — your parents should be more worried about’cho brother dancing on TV with another grown man on some Brett Favre/Cowboy shit than you being gangsta. Dat’s mah word.

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